Imposter Syndrome, Holistic Leadership, and the “Ta da!” with Sydney Jackson-Clockston, Founder of Citrine Unlimited LLC.

00:01.37

kitedart

Hello everyone and welcome to this week's session of the Now & Center podcast. I am here with one of the most amazing humans, and I'm super super excited that we're getting to do this. Before I introduce who she is, I’ll say we actually met pre-pandemic. I feel like there are so many people that I've had on the show who I have met during the pandemic, but we met pre-pandemic and actually got to work together and collaborate together underneath the umbrella of Kite + Dart. I just so appreciate your perspective, your wisdom, your commitments, like, it's just like your whole being, literally how you show up all the time to everything you do, I just appreciate it so much.  And so, with that, I'm here today with Sydney Jackson-Clockston. She's the founder of Citrine Unlimited LLC. Sydney, welcome, and thank you so much for being here today.

01:03.91

Sydney

Hey, thanks for having me Karen and I want to say it's mutual admiration. I know we were just loving on each other, like I'm fangirling over you, you’re fangirling over me, so like thank you, and I would say the same thing. You know, anytime I'm out in public, you are just so highly regarded and valued as an individual and as a human being, so I'm lucky to have you in my circle.

01:35.16

kitedart

Well, thank you so much. I appreciate that and yeah, absolutely right back at you. Ah, we do definitely have a lot of big overlap in terms of like our networks, and Sydney and I were just talking about how, like literally, both of us get that, where we're talking to other people, and if the other person comes up, it's like, oh my gosh, Sydney's amazing. And it's super fun too, like I feel like we've had so many different ways that we have gotten to collaborate like doing you know, kind of like Nate's initial um, plan for scaling Kite + Dart. You know where we were doing the cohort leader program together, and you know we've collaborated on doing presentations with C4G together. We've worked together through RMMFI. Like there's just been a lot of cool ways that we've gotten to collaborate and work together, and I honestly, I know we don't talk super often, but just consider you to be a dear friend in addition to being a colleague. So I really appreciate our relationship, and I'm super glad that we get to have this 1-on-1 conversation today. So, with that, let's let everybody else know a little bit more about you. Ah, will you please share with folks about Citrine Unlimited, the work you're doingand  the difference you're making.

03:00.51

Sydney

Yeah, so I am the owner and founder of Citrine Unlimited, and actually, exactly like Karen had mentioned, we met right before the pandemic had happened. I actually owned a travel agency which was starting to take off and then covid hit and I needed to pivot quickly and that's where we met with Kite + Dar, and me trying to figure out oh my god like I've spent a lot of my lifetime in tourism. That's what my degrees are in and then in hospitality management. What am I gonna do next? And I really appreciated getting to dig into my values to understand that if I lead with my values, no matter what I decide to do, I'll be okay, right?  And I'll be able to still make a huge impact in my community and in the world and leave behind this legacy of changemaking. So with Citrine Unlimited, I am a leadership development coach. I also do help, on occasion, small business owners with some coaching, and then I also do a lot of public speaking, everything from I've done some work with the Posner Center for International Development and hosting their two week conference, like the voice of the conference, all the way to literally teaching and training folks in group setting workshops, and then I also am an author.  So I just published my first book, which I was really excited about. I still am really excited about it and I have a couple more coming out this year into early next year. So yeah, that's what I do in a nutshell and I'm all about um. Really just working with clients to mobilize them and to get them towards achieving. Whatever they want to achieve whether that's through their business in their personal life. Whatever that may be because I know we all can get stuck sometimes and it's really nice when we don't have to stay stuck. Um, you know we can work with someone else to help support us and hold us accountable to move through that. So yeah, that's what I do.

05:17.94

kitedart

So great. So great now and and like I want to return to to a little bit more about your work. But first I want to call out a couple other things because this was this was part of I think what was super fun. Um in in collaborating with you partnering with you as you were shifting from. The the travel work and ah the the hospitality work into the into citr unlimited. Um, there's 2 things 1 is like I remember when when. I guess it was like the light bulb went off right because I love how you said it's leading with your values right? That's what's most important, no matter what you're doing but then I also just remember the light bulb going off and how it was like you made that connection of of how with the travel and hospitality. It was about. Helping people you know create and get this experience that would transform them and that you were like oh that's my superpower. Um, but it doesn't if if it can't be around travel. There are other ways for people to have transformative experiences. And so I just kind of wanted to call that out because I think it's super cool. Um to have seen this sort of maybe different translation of the superpower that you have um for your business.

06:37.64

Sydney

Yeah, yeah, you have a good memory. You have such a good memory.

06:45.90

kitedart

Well I mean it was just super cool and I love those aha moments right? when it's like bam like this is it. You know So I think that was great and and I think that I think part of how I'm able to remember that is that I've seen that be true over and over and over where whether you're you know.

06:47.62

Sydney

Um, yeah.

07:06.13

kitedart

Mcing or moderating the posner Center Symposium or I don't know the right word for it. But you know or you're leading a training or facilitating some conversation like you really are about giving people an experience that impacts them. That's awesome.

07:20.55

Sydney

Yeah, and that's then thank you, Thank you?? And yeah, that was my big aha moment you know, um I think too a lot of it also steminned from and this is a big reason why I love talking about Imposter syndrome because of. The environment I don't know if you know this but the hospitality industry is not always the most healthiest industry I remember being yeah I remember being the only person in the office Sometimes when I was a sales manager like I didn't drink.

07:41.86

kitedart

Yeah, been there.

07:52.80

Sydney

Didn't smoke anything like I you know and I'm not saying I'm a saint but it wasn't something I did on a regular basis to help combat like burnout and being mistreated and work standards and so um, the when I had that like. Moment of like whoa like I don't have to hold myself in this box anymore. It really did open up the world to me and it really helped encourage me to say you know what? like you don't have to stay where you are.

08:18.31

kitedart

Ah.

08:23.53

Sydney

Um, you don't have to pigeonhold yourself because other people didn't see in you what you actually are able to do what you're capable of um and it just was such an amazing experience to like break outside of that box and know that like I can like you said transform people's lives and create an experience. Um, and a lot of people loved working with me during the pandemic because virtual events. You know they're They're so boring usually right and they're very like blah. Um, but even now as I work part time with rocky non Microfinance institute and I'm training entrepreneurs We still were still virtual.

08:50.32

kitedart

Yeah.

09:03.16

Sydney

Tends to work better for folks who are entrepreneurs. You know they have families. They have full time jobs they're trying to get their businesses up and running and every time my my students or the entrepreneurs I work with they're like wow like that wasn't boring like I actually stayed awake. You know from five thirty to eight zero p m at night.

09:18.43

kitedart

Um, yeah.

09:22.87

Sydney

And got so much out of what you were saying um and I almost think it's like a performance I consider myself secretly an entertainer. Um, and that's what helps to cause like cause these transformational experiences too is that people are and enjoying their time when we're working together. So yeah.

09:41.11

kitedart

Yeah, yeah.

09:42.50

Sydney

It was definitely eye opening for sure when I like broke outside of that box of oh you only can do this in this way. Um and knowing that I can do cause that transformation in so many other ways. No matter what I do.

09:56.80

kitedart

Totally totally and I know that you really um, put those talents towards your values right? and and um and taking them.

10:03.38

Sydney

Yeah, yeah.

10:11.28

kitedart

Living them out and and doing you know work in such a way that you get to bring more of what you care about into the world and and that's it's really great. Um, with that I want to call out too that you just because I know what this about you, You didn't share it that you design retreats.

10:28.80

Sydney

Yeah.

10:30.30

kitedart

And I've heard I haven't been on one of your trees. But I've heard really amazing things about them from people who have um and then I'd also love to ask you just because I would love my listeners to consider going out and you know buying your book or books when they're all out. Do you want? can you share the one that's already been published and I don't know if you already have the titles for the others.

10:49.30

Sydney

Yeah, yeah, so um, one on the retreats. Yes I do retreat design. Um, and so that was me figuring out a way to kind of integrate the.

10:49.44

kitedart

Um.

11:02.41

Sydney

Passion for travel back into my business without being fully committed to the travel industry because as we know that can be very volatile just because of external factors. You know Beyond control and so it's been amazing for me to not only plan my own retreats. Um I did do one called the passion over perfection retreat. Um, and I do plan to host that again on my website I have information of what that's looked like in the past and you know when you can actually sign up for my newsletter to get um information on when the next one's happening. But I've been able to also help other people who are business owners or organizations plan their retreats whether that's like I'm doinging a staff retreat I'm going to do a board retreat. Um all the way to you know I have a clientele list and this is the next level of my business where I want to. Work with them in a more um, like 1 on one. Well I guess I wouldn't say one on one but a small group environment you know or they have more access to me and we can really do some deep dive um deep diving education and have fun doing it.

12:01.74

kitedart

Um, yeah.

12:10.30

kitedart

Yeah.

12:13.31

Sydney

Um, So yeah, that's my retreat part. Love it. Um, so much fun and then when it comes to the books. Um I actually did a book collaboration called the badass within and it's a collection of stories of women overcoming trauma and so in this Book. I write about my um experience of overcoming police brutality and just like how that shaped a lot of the negative thoughts I had about myself and a lot of the negative views I had about the world. Um. How you know we can go through even if someone's not going through the same situation as me with police brutality. Maybe it's something else that happened in their childhood. Um, or as an adult how we can start to like overcome.

13:08.35

Sydney

Negative experience to actually come out on the other side and be stronger. You know after such a traumatizing experience. So um, the book is filled with stories from about 15 Yeah, there's 15 of us 15 women including myself and.

13:13.94

kitedart

Ah.

13:27.12

Sydney

You'll hear everything in the book from you know, miscarriage and loss and overcoming that to you know my partner left me to I was the reason my partner left their previous family like everything out there. Um, but it's all about how did I overcome.

13:40.36

kitedart

No.

13:46.15

Sydney

This trauma this guilt the shame and how can you do that too. So really cool collection of voices to really uplift. Um, folks who are interested into reading something like that.

14:00.92

kitedart

Right? Very cool I haven't read it yet and I didn't know that about you like I'm after all these years I don't think I've ever heard heard that story and 1 like I'm I'm sorry that that happened like that's messed up and um, i. I will really look forward to reading about it and and hearing the whole story. Yeah.

14:22.13

Sydney

Yeah, thank you? Yeah no, and that's the thing about it too and I think with anybody who is going through something traumatic. There's this cloud of shame around it and you know my mom. She's actually a therapist now and something she says often is I wish we would've got therapy after this situation happened to us.

14:31.40

kitedart

Yeah.

14:41.63

Sydney

Because back then you know this was in the 90 s mid 90 s um, not that like yeah, not you? Yeah but police brutality is not new and it's not old. Um, but um, it was kind of this thing of like well we need to keep moving forward.

14:47.40

kitedart

Yeah, him still going on. Yeah.

15:00.44

Sydney

We didn't die or you didn't die. So like let's keep moving um and so I think that's why it doesn't come up very often. It's just because the conversation has shifted more and I knew I needed to share my story because it's not something that's uncommon I actually meet a lot of folks.

15:05.32

kitedart

Ah.

15:18.71

Sydney

Where they have been survivors of police brutality and they it's just not something that ever got talked about it's the same thing like let's not speak about it. Let's just keep on moving. You know what are you gonna do about it. Um, and and something that's not listed in the story necessarily or actually it is is that.

15:26.32

kitedart

Um, yeah, yeah.

15:37.62

Sydney

You know my grandmother and my mother um, ended up going to court over it. Um, and because um, a rookie cop spoke up and whenroboate the story that was created around what happened. That's the only reason my grandmother and my mother didn't go to jail um, because 1 one guy said out of the group of like 10 officers like no like what they're saying is true and I didn't become a police officer to. Hurt and harm people I became an officer to help people. Um, and so yeah, so I'm like tearing up now even thinking about it. But yeah I hope you and I hope you enjoy it and you'll have to let me know what you think um.

16:15.51

kitedart

Wow.

16:27.30

kitedart

Yeah, yeah, oh I got to get it I got to get it. Um, Wow That's that's really fascinating and and I think you're right I mean I I've had a couple other clients who have um who have experienced brutality. You know police brutality and I in.

16:29.38

Sydney

Next.

16:44.88

kitedart

I Think to your point right? It's it's like so many things and maybe this kind of ties it back to you know a little bit about what I wanted to bring in in terms of thinking about I know you talk a lot about imposter syndrome about overcoming perfectionism and and really.

16:59.99

Sydney

Um, and.

17:01.72

kitedart

Like Holistic leadership and and for me those things all very much go together in a way and and what I'm hearing is that um and and what I know to be true is that for so many things like not just that but all different kinds of trauma all different kinds of. Um, things that we've experienced or things that we've done like the shame and the guilt and the you know like all of these things are so um, just so heavy and you know.

17:31.38

Sydney

Um, yeah.

17:37.81

kitedart

Keep people quiet and hold people down and hold people back and we I literally was just my my one of my kiddos just had to do a paper for school on the movie spotlight you know with the whole Catholic church um priests you know, sexually abusing youth and so it's you know it's It's just.

17:46.48

Sydney

Are.

17:52.29

Sydney

Never.

17:57.37

kitedart

So prevalent and so I think what I'd I'd like to ask is just um in the leadership work that you do with folks. How do you?? How do you help folks with. You know, overcoming imposter syndrome and and dealing with shame around trauma and you know, just again, all ah, all of those pieces that kind of go into the leadership journey.

18:26.86

Sydney

Yeah, well I know um for my clients I consider myself a holistic coach and so I integrate a lot of practices that sometimes people call woo woo right? um.

18:40.79

kitedart

Um, yeah.

18:40.80

Sydney

But I do really encourage people especially depending on where their trauma lies I'm not ah, a therapist or so a psychiatrist or a psychologist. Um, you know you have to. See sometimes a professional and be willing to to integrate multiple things into your life. It's just not always 1 thing or the other so I do tell some clients sometimes like hey like I work with you in conjunction with a therapist right? or.

19:10.30

kitedart

Oh.

19:13.53

Sydney

You know, maybe you need to see a spiritual healer right? and get connected with yourself. Um and get connected with whatever you consider to be the source. Um for some people that's God for some people that's like a goddess whatever that means to them. Um. For some people that means just like really spending time in nature and getting in touch with themselves. It can look different for everybody and so really, what I do is I customize the way I work with people especially one on one because we're not all the same and so I don't like taking a cookie cutter approach. Um, we're all different. Um. So yeah to me being holistic includes not only thinking about your mind but also being respectful to your body and being in tune with your body listening to that whether that's doing a body Scan or if you feel sore because you haven't. You know, moved much like getting up and doing some movement. Um and then soul like what does that mean for you spiritually? um, you know and like I said not everybody believes in God or that there is a God but there are ways that we can connect to our own spirit in the human Spirit. Um.

20:23.83

kitedart

Um.

20:25.20

Sydney

And what does that look like for you.

20:27.20

kitedart

Yeah I Love that I Love that and I know that you know we've had conversations about this and I know that that you feel the same I mean I want to speak for you. But just that that it's like this whole idea of leadership right? is that it that it. Is very holistic and it is like we're all Leaders. We're leaders of Ourselves. We're leaders of others no matter how we're showing up but there's this like intentionality around showing up in ways that are aligned and this you know getting your body mind and soul bringing awareness.

20:49.90

Sydney

Um, yeah.

21:04.71

kitedart

Bringing alignment bringing that like attunement allows us to show up as leaders in the ways we really want to and and so that we can have the impact and effect that we want to instead of it being like reactive, that it's intentional.

21:23.70

Sydney

Exactly oh man and I really appreciate you saying that part about rate like the reactivity is that if that's a real word I'm not sure but okay, good all right? Um, but just being reactive but um, and you know, that's fine. We all can have our reactions but also not just letting our emotions rule us right? and it's funny I had to tell my niece who lives with me. Um I told you this before this they got in trouble at school because some kids shoulder check them and then. In turn they exchanged some words and then they ended up kicking the other kid um like they they didn't care that they shoulder checked them. They weren't Sorry. So then you know my I shouldn't say niece nibbling nonbinary my nibbling kicked this kid and you know as someone who's like. Ah, parent figure I couldn't say like well they deserved it. You know I had to talk about how we have to control our reactions Even if something's not fair or right because in the end we're the ones responsible for how we react? Um, and that's so true with leadership. And I would like to say that almost like I would say everyone I come in contact with is a leader in some way a lot of people don't believe that of themselves. But we're leaders in our household, especially if you have kids like your children are watching everything you do and they're seeing how you move in the world, or your partner's watching what you do and they're seeing how you move in the world. So even if you're not by title a leader you are a leader in some way the way you show up in your community. You know that determines how people are watching you? Um, so it's really important that whether you think you're a leader. In the sense of title or just at home being like someone's always watching you and has eyes and is seeing how you move and how you react to things. Um, and that's one of the things I touch on I am writing another book called Seven Tips for Holistic Leadership, and that's a big piece of it is knowing that we're all leaders and that there's ways that we can all be effective in the way we communicate another big piece is like integrating play into our lives. Um, that's huge and I think that there's a lot more conversation around that right now is that we're not robots I say this all the time we're not robots. We're human beings and so um, you know it's important for us to integrate play into everything we do so we can prevent burnout. Um, there's a big talk right now about Burnout and like how to deal with Burnout and I'm like right now we're talking about the symptom and how to treat the symptom. We're not actually talking about the problem or the disease which is like overwork and how can we handle this overwork so that we don't get to the point of burnout.

24:28.28

kitedart

Yeah, so true. So true I think you know in in even as you were saying that right? It's like play and and for me that sparks right? It's like play and joy and fun and just like you know, laughter and you know, all these things and and I um you I think you know that I one of my ah that that that that some of the coach training that I've had words some of the coach training that I've had is called is based in this this. Framework called Core energy coaching and it really does get at this idea that you know we have all these different perspectives that we bring to our lives and some of them are very reactive and then oh.

25:25.61

kitedart

So I I really do love Sydney how you brought up the idea of play right? And for me that that is so important like this idea of play and joy and fun and laughter and that um I think I've shared with you a little bit about my training like part of my coach training has come from this. Framework called core energy coaching and in that framework. There's these 7 perspectives and we all bring all of these perspectives to our life right? and it's like these different ways that we see and experience the world and and you know a couple of them are very much based in that reactivity that you were talking about before. And then kind of on the other end of the spectrum is um is is more of like that creativity and like those high vibration things like creativity innovation. Um, alignment beauty like all those things and I feel like. You know to your point I when you're when you were talking about the leadership and how we're all leaders in some way like that philosophy comes from the standpoint that we literally are all leaders all the time and that how because how we show up. There's an energetic impact on other people and so if we show up with reactivity that is going to that can not always but can easily trigger reactivity in others if we show up in judgment that can trigger judgment in others.

26:54.67

kitedart

But if we show up in that place of fun and creativity and joy and playfulness. Those are all like these lighter energies and that impacts other people as well and can trigger those things for them and also it it can take us out of that reactivity. So um.

27:04.54

Sydney

Um, and.

27:13.99

kitedart

I love that idea like 1 thing I coach my clients on all the time is like you know you know have you ever had those days where you're like working and and you're sitting in front of your computer and you've got this ridiculously long list of things to get done and you get to the end of the day and you're like I literally did nothing. Like what happened 8 hours or is 6 hours or 10 hours are gone enough. None of those things got done but there was no joy. There was no fun. There was no play and I'm like as soon as you find yourself in that space of I'm sitting at my computer getting nothing done. Get up and go play. Go do some art. Go take a walk go turn up the music and have a little dance party like whatever it is that you've got to do that that can completely shift your energy and then you can sit back down and usually you can probably get something done.

28:08.28

Sydney

Um, yes.

28:09.46

kitedart

I Mean maybe you don't want to do it. So yeah I got that but like so maybe you either need to say no. But also you can shift your energy in that way. So I just I Love what what you brought up about that and and I I completely agree like we are leaders all the time.

28:18.88

Sydney

Um, yes.

28:26.34

kitedart

Whether it's by title or not.

28:31.28

kitedart

Oh totally.

28:34.98

Sydney

Yes.

28:59.42

kitedart

Yeah.

29:01.50

Sydney

Ah, yes.

29:07.30

kitedart

Yeah.

29:19.16

kitedart

Ah.

29:20.68

Sydney

Um, yeah.

29:56.41

kitedart

Yeah, yeah I love that I think that's I think that's great I'm I'm all about Corny I'm totally down with corny. So I think it's great and of course I love that I'm enough to think about that for myself and and and I think the other part.

29:59.11

Sydney

Exactly Thank you for for? Oh I'm I'm happy you agree with me I'm honored actually and I love the fact that you tell your clients that to like just get up and to play and to integrate fine. Um I know you work with a lot of business owners right? and.

30:11.47

kitedart

That too is you know and you know this from from working with Kitentar is that it's also really important to be intentional about what even goes on the to dot list right? and that that as much as possible I want people putting things on their tada list that they.

30:14.72

Sydney

Like myself where it's like we didn't create or get out of working a certain job to end up in the same energy of like not enjoying our lives even though business ownership as we all know is extremely difficult. It is extremely difficult.

30:29.48

kitedart

Want to do and that they like to do and they're good at doing it right? and and I know that isn't always possible in business. Um, you know I always try to get my clients to a point where they've got at least 80% of the time that they're working in their business is them doing things.

30:33.35

Sydney

But it's so important to find those moments of joy where you'll just forget why you're even doing what you're doing in the first place. Um something else too I like how you brought up that list something I tell my clients to is to turn the to-do list into a tado list because it starts to rewire our brains.

30:47.78

kitedart

That they like to do and they feel that they're good at doing them and and that they're really being a contribution and again I get that there can be those things but also where can we look for those places that we can let go of things. Um that we're not only doing them because someone told us we should be doing them but actually like.

30:51.81

Sydney

Instead of saying this is something I should do into feelinging accomplished when we do actually achieve something on that list and it's more of a celebration. Um, so it's like a tada and then other things on the list if they didn't get done today. Okay, that's fine I'll have some more tadas for tomorrow sounds Helic corny.

31:07.33

kitedart

Thinking about well I could do this and do I Really want to does this really serve me and that I can actually let go of some of those shoulds you know and I feel like between being super intentional with that to do list or to da list and you know and then.

31:11.23

Sydney

But anybody who has tried that and started switching that Narrative um has come back to me and said like Wow like I actually do feel better about doing some of these activities even if there are things that need to get done but I don't enjoy doing them.

31:25.87

kitedart

I Love that idea of every single one of them that you do you're like wohoo to that got it done I have I think that that's fantastic. So I'm gonna I'm gonna gonna take that on right now.

33:09.58

Sydney

Yeah, and I will say like what I learned about the contribution in figuring out what things actually serve me and or in my Genius Zone have definitely um has has been a ah great lesson that I have learned.

33:13.40

kitedart

I Love that take taken yourself on a date I Love it. It's great and and I think that that and I'd love to with that. That's a great segue into talking more about your business and your experience. Um.

33:24.55

Sydney

From my time being coached at Kite + Dart, because I still carry that that through um to my business today. Um, so yeah l and I will say 1 thing too. Um is that another thing that has been really great. Is.

33:27.24

kitedart

But I think it's so great because I think what I'm seeing what I'm hearing you did was rather than forcing yourself to do it in maybe the traditional way that people think it's supposed to be done like you.

33:41.22

Sydney

Because I'm not a fan of doing my accounting and doing my books but I'm also still at the point where I can't afford to have an accountant every month so something I do is turn the activity into something fun with with play. So I'll actually like make it like a date night and You know I'll pour myself um like a nice drink um not too much though because I don't want to mess up my numbers but I'll you know I'll you know I'll have a nice beverage and I'll order my favorite takeout food I'll put on comfy pajamas and like turn it into an enjoyable.  Moment where I'm like having a date with my business. Um, so that's been really nice too because then it doesn't feel like I'm trudging along um also doing something that has to get done but I hate doing it like okay like I'm treating myself to a nice dinner look at this I'm comfortable.

33:44.50

kitedart

Approached this thing in a way that makes it work for you and I think that that's so important is that we very often are told that when something's not working. We have to change ourselves and we don't have to change ourselves screw that like When't have to but.

34:01.30

kitedart

You can change the way you go about doing it to make it work for you and and I think that that's a really great example of of doing that that that other people can learn from So thanks for sharing that story Um, with that will you share more about some of the challenges that you've had starting and running this.

34:15.61

Sydney

Moment where I'm like having a date with my business. Um, so that's been really nice too because then it doesn't feel like I'm trudging along um also doing something that has to get done but I hate doing it like okay like I'm treating myself to a nice dinner look at this I'm comfortable.

34:20.42

kitedart

Business. Um, and and those can be in general and or as it may relate to your different identities just a small thing. Yeah.

34:35.57

Sydney

You know and I'm and then I end up doing the work a lot quicker too because I'm actually enjoying it. You know I got good music going on in the background. Um, so yeah I'm a big fan of deep myself. But yeah.

36:00.43

Sydney

Yeah, oh man where do I even start? Yeah, um I will say that um it has been very interesting in figuring out a way for me to have my voice. Heard um I know when I was first starting my business especially with coaching um oftentimes I would get asked by folks who would never even become my clients right? like what are your qualifications to do this Why do you think? and then that would just feel the imposter syndrome that was trying to like scratch and claw its way back into my life. Um, it's an ongoing process like it never goes away I don't think um I think it's something we always have to just manage and be aware of and pay attention to. And so that was really one of the biggest challenges for me is where I would get questioned on like well what are my qualifications but the people who are questioning me wouldn't question my counterparts who might be a white male. Um, and that happened quite often, especially with having a coaching practice.  The other thing is just having my voice heard and trying to figure out as a small business owner like how can I truly make the impact that I'm wanting to make in my community outside of I think we talked about this too. You know one client at a time and so ah for me that's shown up in Civic engagement.  And it was hard at first to figure out well like what does that look like because to me, you know, especially based off of my experience like we had mentioned before with like police brutality and just growing up as a black woman. Um, like you don't want to go to. Um, the courthouse or to a city building like that's stuff you do when you're in trouble like that's not fine and so being civically involved. Um you know has always been like a challenge to figure out like how do I have my voice heard especially with something that I really care about. And so I've been really fortunate to like come across organizations like Gbc and there's a bunch out there in Colorado at least where you know they have been very helpful on figuring out how to get small business owners. Especially um, you know women ah bipoc folks people of color.

37:07.45

kitedart

Yeah I love that and is total shout out to good business Colorado they are definitely doing great work. There's a lot of there are a lot of really great organizations doing work in the entrepreneurial ecosystem and kind of you know, bringing together the policy the systems work and and pulling entrepreneurs into that's which I think we're really lucky to be in this state. Um I'll even give a little shout out that I I think the last time I saw you present was a gvc event and Jared Polis the governor of Colorado did opening remarks for that, and I'm like there's Sydney following Jared Polis like yes like I love that. So um I thought that was fantastic and and and I love that it's given you it sounds like it's really given you this way to. Civically engage like where there where there has been maybe hesitation to wanting to be seen and hesitation to plugging in maybe in the certain way. It's really given you access to um to doing that and having that voice and and being heard and and using it to change the world in the ways you want. So, like good for you and I do get it. It is that imposter Syndrome is an ongoing thing and just even overcoming those challenges around using voice I mean I think it's really common and and um I guess I'm curious.

38:24.58

Sydney

You know, get our voices heard and and known um where we stand in the world. So that's been a challenge too. Um and something that I'm very grateful that I've been able to figure out and navigate um with the help of others.

38:40.51

kitedart

But part of it. It sounds like has been having places to do that having having people having having spaces where people want to hear your voice is there anything else that really helped you overcome the imposter syndrome enough to to then go do it other than just having the space.

40:30.70

Sydney

Yeah I think honestly I would say the first thing. Um that really really supported me with breaking out of my imposter syndrome was taking the time to slow down and to actually name it and say like this is what I have like this is what's going on with me. So that was the first thing and then finding the folks who could support me and encourage me and building up my inner circle. Um, or even that like second layer right of folks who are encouraging and who recognize like oh Sydney's doing the dealing with this like let's pump her up. How can we support her. Um, and so building that support network has been a huge piece of me also being able to like continue to move forward. Um as well and that's something too. Um I know I didn't mention this one yet. But you brought it up earlier I am working on a book as well, that's going to launch, called My Own Worst Enemy, Understanding and Overcoming Imposter Syndrome.  And so, in that book I'm talking about what is imposter syndrome. Um, you might have even if you're a little bit older heard of it as like doubting Thomas um, there's tons of names for it. But what is imposter syndrome. Why does it happen, Like psychologically what's going on and then how what are some steps we can do to overcome it like how can we combat Imposter syndrome Um, because there's a lot a lot of things going on when you can get into your head. Um and I will say one of the biggest things that I've learned is how to reframe my thoughts when I have a negative thought pop into my head. Automatically I have to be like okay, let's slow down. Let's take a deep breath. It's time to reframe this You're not stupid like why? What is? Why are you creating this story that you're stupid like what is going on and then by. Literally talking to myself and having that conversation in the end I could be like okay, you're not stupid. You're just frustrated in this moment with the situation. What can we do to you know, move forward from the situation. Um, and so yeah, that's been my biggest. Peace or 1 of the biggest pieces is just like starting to reframe my thoughts.

41:11.92

kitedart

I Love that Oh thank you So much imposter syndrome comes up with my clients all the time it comes up on this podcast all the time. So thank you for you know because that's the work you do and it's also been your struggle like thank you just for sharing sharing that with folks and and I hope people can take that in and, you know, think about how that may apply for them. So wonderful. Um I'd love to switch then to a short coaching conversation and look at something that you're still grappling and I know you've already said Imposter Syndrome is something you are still grappling with like it doesn't go away. It's an ongoing thing but like, what's another, you know what things are you grappling with today that we could uncover a little maybe juicy insight today?

43:26.61

Sydney

yeah yeah yeah I will say it's something that I still struggle with today is moving my in my head from my external locus of control like you know the things that are happening around me like, kind of getting like woe is me ,oh my God like I can't control this um into internal locus of control like what can I What can I focus on how can I keep moving forward. That's definitely something because of my life. The last 3 years like not only did we have a worldwide pandemic that we were dealing with um we also had you know the epidemic of racism that we've been dealing with in our country and that's I mean that's been affecting me my whole life. Um, and then also to I had a family tragedy. Well I had to pivot my business because of Covid I had a family tragedy. Um I now because of that tragedy I'm a parent now an instant parent and so like it's just been ongoing. My partner, I don't think I told you this before I got on, but my partner's father just passed away about two weeks ago so it's like things just keep happening and happening and happening and happening. So that's one of the challenges that I'm facing is how do I keep moving forward in face of like all of this adversity and these challenges that were very overwhelming happening to me?

43:40.15

kitedart

Um, such a good question. Um, yeah and I'm sorry for the loss for your partner and I and yeah I think that, so interesting too, as you were talking about that and sharing, and I was just kind of reflecting. I feel like this has been coming up a lot and there's these like macro things and then there's also the micro right, personal things, and it is a lot and they do feel like I hear I hear a lot of this. Um I think what I'd like to do, since you're a coach, is ask you, if one of your clients brought this to you, what would you say to them?

Sydney

Yeah, um, and I'd love that you framed it that way too because sometimes I have to remind myself like what would you do in this situation or I have to come to someone like yourself and get support. I'm a big believer that coaches need coaches, therapists need therapists, doctors need doctors, so yeah, um, so I think what I would say to my client is to really start looking at not trying to control the situation from outside like other people's reactions or even the things that are happening to them. But what is 1 thing that they can do today that they have the power to do so even if it's starting off small with um, because I know right now I'm dealing with anxiety and depression, like "Hey, I got out of bed today. I got in the shower, and I brushed my teeth."  Like, that's a win for the day it ah literally literally you know hey I got on my email and actually responded to 1 person today that I've been meaning to get back to. So that's how I would frame that, is just take it in bite size pieces of what you can do to keep moving forward. You know hey, I got up today, and I actually did the dishes even though I didn't feel like doing the dishes.

45:21.76

kitedart

To da I did it!  Seriously, yeah, got it.

45:58.72

kitedart

Took ah I kind of feel Sydney like I really want you, and and maybe myself, to like every time it happens, to literally say out loud, like maybe that's part of what you do, but I'm like everybody out loud like every time you do it just be like to like how fun is that like talk about play and talk about like you know, giving yourself a little bit of the recognition and celebration for like yeah some days getting out of bed and getting dressed and brushing my teeth is literally a big win and it's okay. Yeah I love it.

46:34.80

kitedart

I appreciate what you said about coaches right? and I do think coaches need coaches and and I think that um like me throwing that question back at you like it can be really hard to coach ourselves right?

46:52.64

kitedart

And I know I've had that experience of like why do I need someone else to tell me or to help me see exactly what I help other people see and it's like because it's just what's so it's easier when it's somebody else's thing happening and I also think that we do have that wisdom inside of us, have our own answers and so it to me. It's it is a little bit of that reframing of like if someone came to me with this. What would I do? You know and with that I think that you brought up earlier the importance of play. And so, I guess one question I'd ask using your wisdom is how do you make sure to get play in every day in addition to the "ta da's"?

49:08.29

Sydney

I love that you asked me that. So um, you know something that I do and I'm a big. So first off I love grounding or earthing whatever you call it and that's in what I call my toolkit. And everybody's toolkit. It's different for play or for like restoration. Whatever however, you want to frame it. We all have a different toolkit because we all love different things. But for me, it's like going outside and standing in the sun before it gets too cold and just like taking 5 minutes to sunbathe. And to have my shoes off and just have my feet like on the ground. Um I live in a townhome that has a tiny like patio backyard. Perfect for my little dogs. Um, but right outside the gate is grass and so like sometimes I'll just go right outside my gate and I'll just stand in the grass and I'm sure my neighbors think I'm a weirdo, but I'll just like stand with my arms opened, and I'm like receiving the sun. Um, that's one easy thing for me to do. Um I also love playing Pinball and things like that. So like every once in a while like you know I'll treat myself I'll be like you had a hard week. Let's go to play pinball and there's a couple of places around me that offer that and like I love skeeball I don't know take me back to Chuck E Cheese right? like I Love a good skeeball game. So like I'll go and play skeeball or I'll play Pinball and I'll do that for like.

50:13.99

kitedart

Yeah, that's so great I Love that beautiful I I I'd love to like extrapolate I Guess from what you're saying and and I and I love that you're talking about your toolkit and and this is a thing that I talk to my clients about all the time because when we're in those places where we're.In a reactive state. Whether it's we're burnt out. We're overwhelmed. We're mad or frustrated. We're sad were any of those you know types of energy that and those are those are the types of energy that get us stuck that when we're in those spaces. It can be really hard to go access our toolkit and so what I have people do and and I don't know if you do this or not it sounds like you've you've got a great toolkit is like literally write those things down on a piece of paper and it's like it's like it's kind of like the thing on the wall right in emergence in case of emergency break glass and pull the thing like. It's like as soon as you notice that you're in that place and it doesn't mean that the goal when when we're in those places it doesn't mean the goal always has to be that we have to shift our energy out right? I want to call that out like you know for example like you know I've I've lost multiple people you know close people in my life family members like when you're in that place of grief I don't want to go dance it out I just want to be sad and that's okay and and sometimes we want to intentionally stay in that energy. But if it's kind of this thing where it's like I'm sitting in in front of my computer and i'm. Duck and I'm overwhelmed and I'm frustrated and whatever the thing is and you want something different than it's like having it literally written down so that as soon as you have the awareness you can go to your list and pick something what jumps out at you. Pick it go and that it's just like training yourself to automatically break that glass and and go for the tool that you need instead of kind of spinning in it and that's been tremendously helpful for me because trying to come up with the thing in that moment can be really hard like just literally write down your toolkit so you can go access it? 


00:01.69

kitedart

All right Sydney. So just for our last couple things here. Will you first share with me, what does entrepreneurial activism mean to you?

00:11.16

Sydney

Yeah, so entrepreneurial activism what it really means to me is using my business as a tool to be a catalyst for change and. Ah, for me that means more in the like hyperlocal sense right now where I'm really impacting you know people who are like my neighbors or within my local town or and within the metro area of Denver. Um, and hopefully I expand that into the future as I grow my client base. But It's really just taking your business in using it as a tool to to emulate your values what you stand for um, you know how can you create this ripple effect in my case like I I don't look at it as oh I only work with 1 client at a time or I only worked with a small group. Um, I really look at it. Oh I'm planting seeds and that's causing a ripple effect and I hear that all the time from past clients that I've worked with where they're like just so you know like I learned something from you and it really sparks something in me and now I'm giving back to my community. Um, and what's that trickle down effect that it causes and it's a great way to make money. So um to me I feel good at the end of the day with the checks that I receive because I know that I was able to not only give back, and do it in a way that feels good, that feels like it has integrity, something that I learned a lot about when working with Kite + Dart, right? Like what is integrity, but then also it feels good to um, also make a profit, and be able to self-sustain and thrive.

01:55.88

kitedart

I love that, I love that, and I do love the call out for Kite + Dart, because you were around when this whole term “entrepreneurial activism” was coined. I mean, I don't think we coined it originally, but like when we started talking about entrepreneurial activism was when we were partnering and so I love that, you know, that's just kind of coming full circle. So um, thank you for that. I think that's fantastic, and then the last thing, will you please just share with folks, how can they connect with you or learn more about what you're doing?

02:29.75

Sydney

Yeah, definitely and I'm sure in the show notes some of this will appear too. But I do have a website. You're always welcome to go to my website you can check out the the multitude of projects that I'm always working on within the community both locally and like I said I'm starting to do some. Work um, more nationally and internationally um, so that would be a good way. I also do have an Instagram so folks are welcome to follow me at sutine unlimited um on Instagram and then. You know definitely I'm happy to share with you Karen my calendarly link if anybody ever wants to just do a session a free 30 minute session just to like connect and see how maybe I could support. You know a training topic. They want to do or um. You know have a conversation on where they feel stuck if I have any community resources I call them pick your brains. Um I ask people because I don't believe in free labor to buy me a coffee in exchange for a pick your brain but I am a big supporter of sharing information I don't think information should be hoarded. Um, and kept secret and so I'm always having pick your brains with folks. Um and sharing info and they buy me a coffee which is always really nice. So yeah.

03:50.52

kitedart

Love it. Fantastic pick my brain. That's really good. Um, Thank you so much for coming on for the conversation. It always just makes my heart So happy when we get to share space like I said before we've done things in so many different. Collaborations that it's just always a pleasure. So Thank you for being here today and I almost feel like we need to end with a to da to.

04:14.84

Sydney

Um, ready one 2 3, “Ta da!” Thanks Karen, I appreciate you having me and um, just being on the Now & Center Podcast with an amazing lineup of individuals who are making an impact in the community. I appreciate you for giving us a platform to share who we are and to share who you are. Thanks.