Healing Workplaces, Creating Space for Joy, & Community with Dr. Tara Jae, Founder of YouthSeen and Co-Founder of Black Pride Colorado

00:00.00

kitedart

Hello everyone and welcome to this week's session of the Now & Center podcast. I have such a great guest for y'all today. I'm super excited for our conversation. I am here with Dr. Tara Jae. They are the founder of Youth Seen and the co-founder of Black Pride Colorado so Tara thank you so much for being here. Welcome yeah I was I was kind of when I um, when I have guests coming on I'm always kind of reflecting on like how did I meet this person and sort of what's my journey been with this person.

00:23.24

Dr_ tara jae

Um, thank you for having me.

00:34.49

kitedart

And I think I just saw now I am almost never on social media I will call out those people who know me know this to be true and I was on there recently and I think I saw that the Black Fantasy Ball is coming up soon and that's actually how we met last year

00:46.74

Dr_ tara jae

Yes.

00:51.28

kitedart

Was through Kite + Dart sponsoring the the Black Fantasy Ball that black Black Pride Colorado puts on. So um I can't believe it's like almost a year since we've met and ah.

00:56.72

Dr_ tara jae

Um, yes.

01:05.00

kitedart

So it'll be really fun because we haven't talked really much recently. It'll be great to like hear some updates on what's happening but I also just really love the the difference you're committed to creating the work that you're doing in the Denver Community so thank you for that? um. And and with that why don't you just jump in and share what it is. You're working on. Um.

01:25.74

Dr_ tara jae

Woof where I mean where do I even start. Yeah, it's I I still remember our first conversation. Um, being able to chat about Black Fantasy weekend last year twenty twenty one. Um, and with everything just coming back together and trying to get used to like being in space together. Um, but Black Fantasy weekend was um, ah, an event from.

01:45.16

kitedart

Yeah, yeah.

01:52.98

Dr_ tara jae

Black Pride Colorado which is a program of you've seen we like to say it's powered by um, just because of the way that we function as ah as an organization. Ah and Black Pride Colorado was really a shout out to ballroom community and specifically are black. Queer community and how they are how they are just showing up and showing out within their performance and just advocacy within the community and from that um I don't know I don't even know where to begin like last year was a whirlwind. 2022 has been a whirlwind trying to just keep up with the first year of all the things that we were doing and really getting set up for our second ball which is just in a few weeks we are about to announce some big things which I think I can announce them now. Ah, because by the time you know this comes out. It will already be announced. But um, we are really focusing on representation and having body positivity within our community. And there is a lot of stigma around how people's bodies need to be and the way that you need to look the stereotypical. Um, just beauty standard across the board and what we are trying to do is break down those barriers. So for anyone who is in.

03:21.88

Dr_ tara jae

Into tv shows Pea Valley became an obsession show for me and the teen and Pea Valley really just focuses on um, folks in Mississippi queer black folks. Um living their best life as um, strippers sex workers. Um, rappers like we we have the the full gamut there and really just focusing on how we can really normalize the different standards of beauty within our community. So our next ball um will be open to all of that and normalizing sex positive body positive um and just the different standards of beauty that we have within the community. So yeah, i'll.

04:08.64

kitedart

I.

04:12.99

Dr_ tara jae

I'll stop there because that's a lot.

04:13.76

kitedart

Yeah, it's so amazing though and I'd love to just acknowledge like you're right like last year with the ball I think it was in October maybe early October I don't remember the exact date but was it okay and I honestly think that was.

04:26.92

Dr_ tara jae

Yep, first week of october. Yep yep.

04:33.71

kitedart

Trying to remember but I it literally might be like 1 of the first times that I was around a bunch of people and ah you know it it was right? It was such a like. How's this going to go and what's my comfort level with this but I I just would love to just shout out that I feel like the way y'all handled. It was.

04:38.52

Dr_ tara jae

V.

04:53.80

kitedart

Just really great and it it was comfortable. It was I feel like there was just a lot of acceptance around the importance of safety and um, you know, taking care of 1 another and and then on top of that. The inclusivity that I felt like I feel like the inclusivity at the event was palpable and it was incredible and I got it I'll call out that um I never thought I would stay till the end because at my age I need my.

05:18.25

Dr_ tara jae

Yeah, yeah.

05:30.53

kitedart

And need my sleep and I was I was even you know, um the person who introduced a saya was taking part in it and I was like I'm going to try so hard to stay to see you know both of your performances but I was like I don't think I'm going to make it I stay tell the bitter end and it was.

05:48.46

Dr_ tara jae

Ah, yeah.

05:49.12

kitedart

The funnest thing I swear I did last year ah like from a social standpoint like it was so fun, but it was also just that that the inclusivity and the valuing of people and the joy in the room just was amazing. So kudos I just.

06:05.93

Dr_ tara jae

Yeah, yeah, thank you, Thank you? Thank you? I mean it. It was a team effort to be able to do um and we even the team as we sit down and we look back were we're still surprised that we were able to do.

06:08.35

kitedart

Loved it. Um, yeah.

06:21.92

Dr_ tara jae

As much as we did last year and bringing people back into space and how we were going to handle. It was was a big concern. Um, and even just doing things a little bit differently this year because we're expecting the same crowd. Um, probably just a little bit bigger and how we're going to manage that and also. Be able to provide those resources because you know covered still real now we have monkey pox like making sure that those resources are still available for folks to to have access. So yeah.

06:42.79

kitedart

Yeah.

06:51.25

kitedart

Yeah, yeah I love that So true. Um I'm gonna just call this out and this is not really part of the conversation. But I definitely we should We need to connect around sponsorship because we sponsored the event. We co-sponsored it last year and I would love to.

07:01.52

Dr_ tara jae

Um, yes, yes, we can absolutely do that.

07:08.74

kitedart

Um, have a conversation around that So I'll call that out right Now. Yes, Definitely just? yeah, an important thing that that we are really committed to and maybe maybe being a little earlier to ah jump in with that can take part in a little bit more of the. Festivities of the weekend because I know we weren't able to do that last year. But um, so let me ask this then will you say I feel like a lot of that was geared a little bit more towards the Black Fantasy um weekend can you share a little bit more about Youth Seen and the bigger. Picture of the work that you've seen is doing.

07:50.30

Dr_ tara jae

Um, yeah, absolutely so as the founder and executive director of Youth Seen. Um I I founded Youth Seen in 2017 moved to Colorado which is the timeline is is always funny to me so I moved to Colorado in may. And I worked for one organization I knew it was not going to work for me and I have a rule for myself that I I give myself a couple of times to complain 3 tops and if I'm still complaining about it I either need to check myself and do something else or I need to find a solution rate that are there. And because of the difficulties that I was just having in moving into Colorado and really trying to find space. It's specifically having access to mental health. Um, and what you know mental health and wellness looks like for me as a black non binary queer person. Um, I kind of just looked around and noticed that there was a huge void and said well if I don't have access to it and I acknowledge as the privileges that I do have then I know that there's other people that are struggling as well and that's where Youth Seen really came about and the focus. Is specifically on mental health and wellness and I did have to be very strategic on it because I was twenty seventeen I was very well aware of like what was going on and being able to talk about blackness and what it means to be black.

09:14.45

kitedart

F.

09:20.54

Dr_ tara jae

Was not as it. It wasn't an open space. So in starting it. It was lgbtq folks as a whole and our focus was on more specifically people of color. We have really honed in on that because the first part was to make sure that black. Lgbt q folks had access so through the years we have been able to focus a little bit more so because we have been able to be a little bit more open as to no this is what the focus is and we're not We're not budging on it and from that and the different programs came about so. In 2018 camp scene came about in camp seen as a focus on getting our young folks out in nature and being able to um, really access that and also enjoy it. And not have watchful eyes in a space where nature really is a space to be open and enjoying everything. Um and someone who grew up in and upstate New York I had access to that so that was a right for me. It should not just be a privilege. We should all be able to go out and enjoy that so camp scene came about and has had a lot of community support which we have been super super excited about um, having folks like um Angela Davis come in and speak with our with our young folks.

10:52.29

Dr_ tara jae

And really talking about what wellness looks like and especially in an activist. Um environment and what it means to keep going while also having that rest um, miss major who is a prominent figure within our community. Was a part of stonewall. Um, also a huge activist continues to be and um, we've had a couple of authors come in and be able to speak with our youth. So we're really focused on making sure that there is representation representation. And showing our youth. Yeah, like while we have nature look at what this could nurture and when you're looking to get out into community and getting out of school and what that could possibly look like our next program. Um, we have trans scene and trans scene is really focusing on our trans and nonbinary folks. Um, and however, that looks we do have a lot of meetups currently. So we're going out and skating and making sure that people are finding connection oftentimes when people are going through their journey um with gender. Um, there is a disconnect that happens and just making sure that. There's other folks in the community that they can connect with who are on a very similar journey and who are folks of color. Um, really does support the mental health and wellness around that journey for folks and the other program that we have is Black Pride Colorado that was started last year

12:17.60

Dr_ tara jae

And I gave a little bit about that um earlier but that is really focus on black Lg Btq folks and experiencing joy. Um, and then the only other part we have our clinical is offering um, access to therapists who are affirming therapists so that is Youth Seen.

12:35.33

kitedart

And that's so amazing I Thank you I don't I don't even think in all of our conversations that we have had that I've gotten like the full rundown of the different programming you have So thank you for that and I really just.

12:44.88

Dr_ tara jae

Um, yes, thank you.

12:52.90

kitedart

Appreciate I Don't even know if I've shared with you but just that I have a big background in education and I just think that support for youth is just like so important and particularly when you've got folks who have different identities where um.

12:59.21

Dr_ tara jae

A.

13:08.66

kitedart

Our society is marginalizing them and oppressing them and asking them to hide and not be seen right? I I Just really really appreciate what you're doing and and what a big need that there is for that. So thank you.

13:08.74

Dr_ tara jae

Um, you know? yes.

13:22.74

Dr_ tara jae

Um, yeah, yeah, thank you.

13:26.50

kitedart

So I'm curious. This is so interesting because I feel like there's such a parallel I guess between the work that you are doing. For others through Youth Seen and it sounds like from your your journey right? that you were experiencing some of those same things for yourself and so I'd love to just you know, kind of.

13:55.51

Dr_ tara jae

Um, yeah, yes.

14:03.12

kitedart

Ah, business standpoint I Guess at first anyway I'd love to ask you to share more about um the impacts like the the challenges the struggles. The things that you've gone through as you've started you've seen and the different programming that you have and. And even particularly given the identities that you have what extra layer has that added to those challenges.

14:31.90

Dr_ tara jae

Yeah, you know when I often look back because we we literally just celebrated our 5 year anniversary um and I am I'm still just at I'm still in awe of the fact that we have made it to 5 years and I'm really.

14:40.46

kitedart

Yay.

14:49.60

Dr_ tara jae

I'm grateful and proud of the work that we have been able to do and through that Journey has also been a lot of challenges and just what it means to start a nonprofit. Um, yeah I So I'm I'm thinking about this. And really trying to figure out how vulnerable I'm going to be on this this question. Um, because when you know when I started it in 2017. It was literally like telling myself to be quiet and like just do what I needed to do to just function.

15:10.53

kitedart

Sure fair.

15:26.50

Dr_ tara jae

And also realizing that I no longer wanted to be a part of corporate America or the nonprofits that I was used to which drains your soul and they ask for everything and give nothing back.

15:37.90

kitedart

Yeah.

15:43.30

Dr_ tara jae

And really starting Youth Seen I really wanted to look at what it could possibly mean to heal in a workplace. Um, so that you know looking at all of that. What does that mean it means time off it means actually being acknowledged for the work that you're doing it actually means just.

15:46.23

kitedart

8 of.

16:02.38

Dr_ tara jae

Seeing the people that you're working with um, it also means like having relationships outside of work and how does that function and making sure that you know not only are you supporting the staff that you know that you have as your team in the sense of when they're showing up to work but Also. Having an understanding of what's going on with them personally so going through that it was. It's been.. It's been difficult. Um because a lot of people show up to work and have this very focused perception on what work means right.

16:39.60

kitedart

Nay.

16:39.51

Dr_ tara jae

And because of that it's peeling back those layers and saying no, you can think outside of the box and look at this look at this differently. It does not have to be what you're used to and what you're used to is toxic as fuck like it's not. It's not going to work for you. So.

16:55.84

kitedart

F.

16:57.53

Dr_ tara jae

How do we change it and I can't be the only one to change it and also acknowledging I'm human and in my humanness I'm going to screw up too and I'm also trying to heal and I'm also trying to to pull back those layers and as a leader there's always that expectation that. We don't we don't get to do that right like we don't get to take breaks. We're constantly working. There's no room to have our emotional days. Um, so like I think that that has been a part of the process and when you're starting a nonprofit. No one tells you in the first three years. No one's going to fund you. Like it's not a thing because they want to actually see hey can you actually sustain yourself to year three with nothing because I didn't have the privilege of coming in with a trust fund or having those connections in the sense of I know these sponsorships are automatically coming in like I started at 0 and being able to build then and connect with community members and see what that is and doing part time jobs and working at the mall to make sure that my bills were paid and whatever little money that was coming in did go to you know the couple of staff that we had and with that. Having those hard conversations with foundations where I've had several ah with program officers and being like so you're not going to fund us now. But after year three if we're still around. Maybe you'll consider it but then also.

18:30.35

Dr_ tara jae

Why aren't you being more transparent about that that review process because I'm sitting over here watching you fund white organizations like you know it's no big deal. Let's turn on the faucet and give you all the money and when it comes to black organizations. It's well, do you have this? Do you have this? Do you have this? No I don't have that privilege. So How are y'all going to help because that's a part of the process. It's not just the monetary things that we're asking for. We're also asking for support in. Do you have connections to accountants what software are you using like all of those things to be able to make us. More efficient and what it is instead of us feeling like we have to reinvent a wheel and with that knowledge that gatekeeping that happens that I literally do not understand and.

19:19.30

kitedart

Math.

19:24.52

Dr_ tara jae

Within the Nonprofit world. It's very much like oh we're in the hunger games and we're not giving you any information and if you actually have something that we like we're going to try to steal it not give you credit and then sit there and grab all the money. Um. And that's not how I function I function very openly very transparent where it's like hey this is what we have Oh you want to take it. Let's see you take it have at it. Um, but really just focusing on what what it means to really nurture our community. And it's our community that has struggled the most with the pandemic um with the workforce and just being able to have access to basic needs. So yeah, it's It's been.. It's been hard. Um, and I. Think one of the things that I you know I I look at a lot is what I remember when the pandemic started we we pulled in real quick and I wanted to make sure that our staff kept a salary. Um, we offer insurance as small as we are because. That's a right?? um and making sure that people were were not having to worry about that and continuing to still connect with folks in the community who were struggling a great deal. Um and making sure that I I always had other.

20:53.87

Dr_ tara jae

Consulting jobs or other part time jobs just to be able to hold things up and in 2020 after George Floyd it was a flood of money that lasted only a couple of months so it was like you turn on the faucet full like full force.

21:04.83

kitedart

My.

21:11.93

Dr_ tara jae

And now it's right back to a trickle where it's like so we're actually acknowledging that that was performative. Thank you,? It was very Helpful. We were able to grow the staff and we're still doing Work. We're still in emergency Mode. We still have people that are struggling um to to just. Access basic things where everyone else feels that they have gone back to normal and we're still not operating in a normal level. So yeah, those were those were a lot of the struggles. Um, but also the.

21:39.93

kitedart

Ah.

21:44.83

kitedart

Yeah.

21:49.32

Dr_ tara jae

The toll that it that that it takes on me specifically. Um I don't really acknowledge how much it does take out of me to have the the same conversations over and over again. Um, but also just the emotional toll that it takes where it's.

22:05.34

kitedart

Yeah.

22:08.43

Dr_ tara jae

How can this? How can this be better. How can we be looking at things differently. Um, but also giving myself space to be like I actually need to rest so in this two weeks that I'm off I'm not going to answer emails I'm not going to answer text message I'm not going to answer phone calls. And what I would actually love is someone to like text and be like hey how are you How how are you doing? is there anything you need. So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

22:28.50

kitedart

I.

22:37.25

kitedart

Yeah, so Much. Oh, there's so Much. There's so I'm like there's so much in there and and I think what's um, what's really standing out to me is. It is like this. There's I mean there's so much but like this this idea that as we're working to create different organizations right? that are operating outside of white supremacy and paternalism and.

22:59.30

Dr_ tara jae

Um.

23:12.81

kitedart

Extraction and capitalism and being performative and right like that I Love what you said about like it doesn't have to be this way we can look at work differently. It can be something else and we're so deeply conditioned. That that can be really hard for a lot of folks to step out of that box and to embrace that and ah but it's like imperative to getting to where we like we have to lean into it because we can't just be like we're going to change the system in this way.

23:35.90

Dr_ tara jae

Um, and.

23:41.80

Dr_ tara jae

Um, yeah.

23:49.21

kitedart

And keep operating in the current system right? We have to take that step out of the way. It's always been done so to speak and that is it can be hard. It can be exhausting. It can be frustrating. It can be.

23:59.36

Dr_ tara jae

Um.

24:08.31

kitedart

Messy. It can be I mean right? There's just so much. It's like it is It is a heavy load to bear. Um, so I really you know and I absolutely appreciate that you're doing it because there's no other way to get there.

24:17.26

Dr_ tara jae

Ah.

24:27.42

kitedart

Then to lean in and do it and kind of say fuck you to the old way the system etc and do it anyway right? like ah but it's a lot.

24:32.94

Dr_ tara jae

Um, yeah, yeah, and I think you know that's a part of it where it's like yeah sure we can come in and burn systems down. But how does that actually help right? like is there scaffolding put in place because there's still some good pieces that we can keep.

24:42.50

kitedart

Yeah.

24:49.90

Dr_ tara jae

There is no sense in just burning it down because then there's nothing there and when you're actually looking at you know society as a whole. There's not many people who also have the energy at this point to rebuild that.

25:05.17

kitedart

Yeah.

25:07.41

Dr_ tara jae

And there are people who are trying to rebuild it and put that scaffolding in before it all drops completely gone where it's okay so how can we be working together and the people who are in the front when when do we get to tap them out so they can go to the back and take a break and it's the next layer that's coming in.

25:11.80

kitedart

Yeah.

25:23.30

kitedart

Um, yeah, yeah, yeah.

25:26.63

Dr_ tara jae

Like when does that happen because I think it's it's a lot of times you know I in having conversations with other you know, black queer folks who are in leadership positions like it's not just their mental health and wellness but also like physically. You know your body just your body is going to react and I know that I've definitely been having difficulties where it's almost like clockwork at three months every three months I'm getting super sick and it does not make sense.

25:48.17

kitedart

Yeah.

25:59.74

kitedart

Yeah.

26:01.94

Dr_ tara jae

And it also does because I'm not giving myself that space to be like you know what? I actually just need to step away and actually engage in joy and be able to know my big thing is like I I have a whole last fionce but I'm sitting here being like hey babe I Miss you? um. I'll be I'll be right back and it's like just in conversations that we've had where it's you know weeks fly by like their days and all of a sudden. It's like oh Wow like we we actually just haven't had a time to like sit down and talk and how are you. Doing right? where it's like it's the day to day and you forget them right? Like we'd Need. We need those moments of joy and really investing in our and our personal lives. Um, and.

26:46.15

kitedart

Yeah.

26:58.65

Dr_ tara jae

Oftentimes it feels like when you're in leadership leadership positions. You don't you don't get that you don't have that benefit of the doubt.

27:03.29

kitedart

Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, so I'm curious here how you would feel um about a little coaching conversation around this because I think it's really important and and.

27:18.35

Dr_ tara jae

Absolutely.

27:23.80

kitedart

And like yeah I mean and and it's not just you and there's so many leaders and again I think kind of back to what you were saying about you know when you started this organization and you didn't come with the trust fund. You didn't come with the connections of people who were going to give you the money.

27:38.47

Dr_ tara jae

Um, and have.

27:41.60

kitedart

You didn't come with that. Um sort of assured success right? like that that a lot of folks with different identities and privileges may come to it with um and and it is part of this system that is very paternalistic and racist. And all of the oppressive systems. Um, and there's a lot of people doing amazing things out there like you who are exhausted and who are waiting for the baton pass right? Someone just told me the other day like this work is like a really race. And it is but if nobody's you know, picking up the Patton and baton and taking their turn. Um, when do you ever get that little bit of a break. So I just really appreciate what you're saying and I think it's really really really important and um without.

28:29.36

Dr_ tara jae

Um, when.

28:38.99

kitedart

That ability to take care of yourself. It's just going to result in you know Health challenges ah mental Health physical health and I also think that when you think about the work that you're doing.

28:58.99

kitedart

It's like I I also kind of think there's a moral obligation so to speak to set the example right? like in in taking care of yourself that helps to give permission to others right? and it's really hard to talk about mental health.

29:07.15

Dr_ tara jae

Um, and.

29:15.13

Dr_ tara jae

Yep. Um, yeah.

29:17.59

kitedart

When we're not practicing it ourselves right? and I'm not saying that as a criticism because Holy Cow It's been an ongoing journey for me too right? Like trust me so again, not an accusation but just like I think it's important that that we.

29:22.79

Dr_ tara jae

Now.

29:34.51

kitedart

Give ourselves that space because in taking it for ourselves. We become that example for others. So with that. What.

29:37.92

Dr_ tara jae

Um, yeah.

29:50.70

kitedart

What would be like if you could just like dream for a minute. What would that look like to take this base that you need for your own self-care and connection and just like your personal life that you talked about.

30:09.18

Dr_ tara jae

I need a sabbatical for like six months to a year where I don't have to worry about money that I get to travel um and just spend some time with my soon to be wife and just.

30:18.68

kitedart

Um.

30:25.68

Dr_ tara jae

Engage in the things that make me happy and go on adventures and get to explore yeah dreaming big That's that's what I want you know and a part. Ah a part of that is you know I I want to get back into what I love most which is which is writing you know one of my dreams as ah as a.

30:33.60

kitedart

Yeah I love it.

30:45.43

Dr_ tara jae

Child is to write a book and you know be able to explore the stories that um that I often dream about but that yeah, that's that's my dream is to just take a step back and not feel guilty about it not have shame around it and.

30:52.29

kitedart

Yeah.

31:04.45

Dr_ tara jae

You know? Yeah yeah I think that's that's the big thing.

31:06.67

kitedart

Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, so I'm going to call out that starting with a six month to 1 year sabbatical may be way bigger of a bite than you can chew. Right? Just and I get that being that being an executive director is a lot right? like I thought about so I've thought about starting a nonprofit twice and both times have been like that. Nope, it's it's a lot. So I guess what I'm wondering is.

31:21.16

Dr_ tara jae

Um, a.

31:34.70

Dr_ tara jae

Um, it's a lot. It's a lot. But.

31:40.43

kitedart

What is there some baby step that you could take to maybe to work towards that six month to when you're sabbatical, but maybe something you know just a smaller bite a smaller cut um that you could take now or soon maybe in November. Once you get through the ball. Um I'm sure there's just a lot right now going on with getting ready for the weekend. So.

32:03.35

Dr_ tara jae

Yeah, yeah, yes, so the the one little step that I am taking is that on October I'm taking some time off um and getting to travel.

32:14.32

kitedart

Excellent.

32:16.20

Dr_ tara jae

Ah, to visit a good friend of mine. She's getting married so I will do that go back home and be by the water and I will be with my fiancee Ebony and we'll just we're going to relax. We're not going to work. And we're going to enjoy fall things because you know fall is one of my favorite seasons and you get to do all of the activities. So that's the start and yeah, and in December One of the things that we do at Youth Seen is we shut down for two weeks

32:42.31

kitedart

Fabulous.

32:50.11

Dr_ tara jae

At the end of the month of December so that everyone does have the ability to just shut down and not worry about anything because it won it's the holidays. It can be super stressful. Let don't let work be 1 of those stressors you can go deal with family and be stressed all you want but it's not going to be on my watch. So yeah.

33:06.31

kitedart

Yeah, fantastic. So it sounds like you've already got maybe a little bit of a cadence starting it sounds like I wonder like rather than starting off with a six month sabbatical like what if it's every quarter you've got.

33:09.61

Dr_ tara jae

Yeah.

33:23.37

kitedart

Ah, two weeks sabbatical or something like that. Ok yeah yeah yeah I mean I when they.

33:26.59

Dr_ tara jae

I Would love that I would like it to be every month that I'm doing something different. Um, but you know baby steps. Hopefully hopefully I'll I'll figure that out.

33:40.61

kitedart

Even wonder is with that right? and and I get There's a there's a responsibility right in terms of you've got employees and you've got to make sure that the money's there to pay them and I'm sure that you've got amazing Fabulous people who are. You know it's not like you need to micromanage their work. They're doing what they're great at and they're supporting the mission and the cause but probably a big part of your job is making sure that they're getting paid from what I'm hearing. So um, there is part of me that's wondering.

34:05.37

Dr_ tara jae

Are the.

34:12.37

kitedart

Like 1 are there things that you can look at to and I get what you're saying write this whole business with you can't get funding for the first three years and then and then you know George Floyd happens and then there's this big influx and then it's kind of like yep peace out right? like it's. I mean I'm not surprised by it I'm sad about it that that's the way it's gone um not surprise but like what are the things that you could potentially do to maybe diversify your funding or. Get some more What's the word I'm looking for. Um, what is the word um like consistent or you know like what are the things that you could do there that then might be able to free you up and then also on the monthly thing like going in and literally blocking out your calendar. For one week of every month right? And at least nobody can schedule meetings with you and you know just like creating the space so that you've got the option to do it.

35:22.60

Dr_ tara jae

Yeah I'm sitting here and I'm listening and I'm like yeah that sounds really easy and then even going to my calendar I'm like what this is too much. It's it's overwhelming. Um, and also realizing that my health and wellness is way more important.

35:29.94

kitedart

Yeah.

35:40.13

Dr_ tara jae

So again, it's it's taking those those baby steps to to really to really do it because it's you know while I you know check in on staff and whatnot and hold them accountable. It's also holding myself accountable and saying hey you know you also have to practice this.

35:48.20

kitedart

Um, yeah.

35:58.42

kitedart

yeah yeah yeah I don't just some things to think about I know there's one organization here that I know that they take a I don't know if it's a week off or two weeks off I'm not sure the timeframe but the whole organization shuts down.

36:00.90

Dr_ tara jae

So yeah.

36:17.99

kitedart

For a quarterly break. So that's also kind of another thought where it's not. You know they're not working either and you make sure your programming happens. You know for that after that, whatever that is, but um I know that they do it I don't I don't know a lot about the specifics of how they do it. But um.

36:20.32

Dr_ tara jae

Um, nice.

36:37.29

kitedart

I do think that when we get that intentionality around it and we do go in and especially going in ahead of time right and being like okay I'm going to look for the next six months and I'm going to block out these weeks right now or for the next year or whatever that may be. You can always adjust them but you know, kind of that like.

36:48.19

Dr_ tara jae

Um.

36:56.76

kitedart

Creating that intentional space looking for the system so to speak or the the way to make it happen that works for you works for your organization. Um, maybe it's staggering it with the people in your organization I mean I have no idea what your answer is but um.

37:15.97

kitedart

Definitely and to your point I do think it's so true. You said that every three months you've been getting sick which means you end up shutting down anyway I would rather shut down and go travel and have some fun than shut down and be sick. You know? yeah.

37:26.13

Dr_ tara jae

Um, this will.

37:31.00

Dr_ tara jae

Um, yeah, agreed.

37:33.83

kitedart

Because I think the universe is going to like make us take the space if we don't take the space.

37:38.80

Dr_ tara jae

Um, yeah, and very aggressively like doesn't need to be that aggressive.

37:43.00

kitedart

Yeah, well I don't know I I will speak for you but I will speak for myself that when there's something the universe wants me to learn and understand if I don't listen at first it gets louder. It gets stronger. It gets a little more aggressive so but I don't know.

37:52.83

Dr_ tara jae

Me here. Yeah, no, it's yeah, it's super aggressive on my end where it's like I hear you I hear up. Okay, we're done great You. We're just going to shut it down.

38:08.20

kitedart

Yeah, yeah, um, trying to think if there's it's what else you also talked about wishing someone would just reach out to you and be like hey how are you or taking that time with your partner to. Check in and you know what?? what's I feel like there could be some maybe some other little baby step things to be really intentional about those those things.

38:35.87

Dr_ tara jae

You know it's one of those things where um I was talking to Ebony over the weekend and really just trying to figure out what it is because I always I always reflect it back to me because if I'm experiencing something I want to analyze it and not. Project it out and push it out. However I only really hear from other leaders of like hey you good over there like was was really going on but because of the way that we do work in the community. There's that. It's almost like ah a miss a misstep right? where you don't you don't have folks really check in and be like hey how are you because oftentimes when there's a lot of communication. It's like I need this I need this I need this and it's it's also like.

39:29.68

kitedart

Um, yeah.

39:31.43

Dr_ tara jae

But what about just checking in and be like how are you doing like what's coming up for you. What are you doing for yourself and I think it's It's one of those things too where you know when you get stuck in essentially a role of responsibility like this um folks automatically think that you. You have it right? like you have it together and you're you're doing your shit like why do I need to check in and sometimes it it really just is like hey let's stop for a second I Actually don't need anything I Just want to know how you're doing and having that that genuine connection where.

40:05.20

kitedart

And yeah, how.

40:10.56

Dr_ tara jae

We do We are we are trying even more so to be intentional, um within the organization and how we're we're connecting with folks. But also you know leadership is very lonely. It's very much like you keep a very small.

40:25.86

kitedart

Um, yeah.

40:29.81

Dr_ tara jae

You know group of friends who are your confidence and yeah, like having anything really go out of that is risky right? Like you don't want to be messy. Um, but life is messy. Community work is messy.

40:45.54

kitedart

Um, as much. Ah.

40:49.56

Dr_ tara jae

Um I don't I don't know how people can hold that perfection imagery because I'm I'm a fuck a mess like this This is what's happening over here and if people really want me to show up authentically like.

41:08.12

Dr_ tara jae

I'm not going to be the strong leader 24 7 through 65 right like I'm going to have weeks that I'm probably struggling or you know low level depression where I can't even get out of my own way.

41:12.56

kitedart

Yeah.

41:25.40

Dr_ tara jae

And what what does that mean to even ask for help from the the folks around you. Yeah.

41:28.60

kitedart

Yeah, such a good question I feel like you know part of what I just really hear coming out of what you're sharing is that conditioning that we have like this fucking system right? Like. Ah, white supremacist system that is so focused on Perfectionism on production on right going it alone being independent right? like I mean there's just so much and I think.

41:49.55

Dr_ tara jae

You can.

42:03.60

kitedart

From my perspective, a big part of the work that I'm doing with organizations with businesses is around. How do we shine that light on those ideals of a white supremacist patriarchal Capitalist culture. And intentionally choose something else and I get that as the leader there's it's like there's a fine line I think to walk as a leader right of. Keeping it together and making sure everybody feels like all right. We're okay here and we're doing this thing and did itdada up but then also you know, being able to be vulnerable and be real about what's going on and not have to be stuck in the perfectionism and the constant production production production. It's so funny. Like at home and and this is changing somewhat but like for me at home sometimes I like feel like I'm talking all the time to the people in my home right? And it's like Did- it and it's always this like well we have to take care of this. We have take care of that and we have to do that and the deadline and the thing in the moon and then we go on vacation.

43:06.74

Dr_ tara jae

Um.

43:16.12

kitedart

And my partner's always sort of like who are you you don't talk and it's like because I'm not orchestrating 500 things right? I'm just being and so you know I think again it it comes down to and not not in a.

43:18.30

Dr_ tara jae

Right.

43:36.10

kitedart

Don't mean this in like a pressure way. But what are the ways that you can embrace not needing to be perfect and that it's not always about production and knowing that yes things need to get done and I need to keep a certain maybe semblance of got it together. And at the same time being able to be with I don't have it all together and I don't know and you know I don't know I just I I think that I've been playing a lot with looking at the both and and how I can totally not have my shit together over here. And I also can have my shit together enough at the same time you know so I don't know just those are some thoughts that are coming up for me from what you're saying. Yeah.

44:17.20

Dr_ tara jae

Um, yeah, yeah, it's a both and right like it's not an either or I can be a complete fucking mess and have it together in other places right. Where it's you know that that fogginess that happens. Um which is attached to burnout and what does it actually mean to find clarity and you know recharging that passion within the work that you do.

44:41.19

kitedart

Ah, yeah.

44:51.74

kitedart

Yeah.

44:53.60

Dr_ tara jae

And I think that that is a constant struggle for for myself because I am a true introvert like when I tell you that my introvertedness is sometimes I just have to close the door so I can just stare at the wall and not have anything happen where it's I. Just need to shut it down because it's when you're on all the time that does things too right? and you know I'm I'm in awe of people who can be on all the time and just you know, go out there and be fabulous because one I'm awkward as fuck.

45:20.30

kitedart

Um, yeah.

45:30.83

Dr_ tara jae

And 2 where it's like I just you know my real connection is that that personal connection where it's like let me look into your eyes. How are you really doing and you know not hiding that. Oh yeah, I'm fine. It's okay.

45:45.28

kitedart

Yeah.

45:47.65

Dr_ tara jae

You know, just doing the things where it's like actually you just didn't tell me anything so you know there's that part so you know it's It's being able to have those those connections to refeal but also to really acknowledge like hey.

45:51.50

kitedart

Yeah.

46:03.42

Dr_ tara jae

I'm burned out I have fagginess and if you send me an email. You probably have 2 hours in the morning that I'm actually going to answer emails and then I'm not going to answer it so good luck. No yeah.

46:12.90

kitedart

Yeah, yeah, so true. Yeah, um, there was something that I was going to pick up on that you said I totally lost it. Yeah.

46:30.49

Dr_ tara jae

Man.

46:30.70

kitedart

It all just resonates there was something I was gonna glom Onto. Um, Um, oh I know what I was gonna ask So I think the other. So this the both and is really important right? and that that it's like yes in in so many ways we can not have it together here and have it together over here. We can be foggy and moving slow and you know.

46:49.89

Dr_ tara jae

Um, in here.

47:06.18

kitedart

Being pulled down by the sand and it's like again giving ourselves the permission to be both of those things and then like just very intentionally building in joy and fun and those kinds of things. So I Guess. This is like we kind of talked about it on this bigger scale in terms of like a sabbatical or time off or travel and that kind of thing like wondering if there's even just some daily practices that would be worth thinking about. And again not like a job because sometimes those daily practices can then just feel like oh great now I didn't do it and you know, whatever but like what are some of the smaller ways to connect with that joy intentionally. Um, as an act of activism.

48:04.85

Dr_ tara jae

Um, well this morning I actually made the decision that I wasn't going to take morning meetings anymore because it's I mean it's hard to like.

48:10.92

kitedart

Good for you? yes.

48:17.87

Dr_ tara jae

Come into the office and just throw yourself into meetings after meetings after meetings where it's like no give yourself a break in the morning and you know slide into them in the afternoon and only set like 2 or 3 appointments. Um, instead of you know the 12 to 14 hour days that I was doing like it's not It's not helping so let's look at this a little bit differently. Um.

48:36.71

kitedart

Um, yeah, good for you I love that I love that I used to leave my Mondays almost free of meetings except for internal meetings only but like no clients and stuff. And it was really funny I love I love my co-workers I love the people on my team but I found that I was like on Sunday night like kind of dreading Mondays but part of it's because the other part of my day besides the internal meetings was all of my admin work that is not my favorite work.

49:07.32

Dr_ tara jae

A.

49:11.22

kitedart

And it's so funny like because I just had this thing like I need to get myself set up for the week and all those things I didn't accomplish on Friday afternoon because I was like I am done at two o'clock or whatever you know I can do those on Monday when I'm fresh and deadda but I just had this sort of dread and so I started scheduling. Clients on Mondays or podcast calls so that I feel really pulled into because it's the people part of my work that I love so feeling really pulled into my week and then I kind of get get my momentum with that and then I put the admin stuff you know later mid, you know, mid.

49:33.65

Dr_ tara jae

Um, and hit.

49:49.13

Dr_ tara jae

Um, yeah.

49:49.81

kitedart

More in the mid part of the week you know so it is really important I think to look at what works for us and how to build the way your organization runs around you and also you've got employees right? So honoring them and what's their ways of. Of working that work. Well for them and just really being intentional to design it because it doesn't have to be it doesn't have to be 8 to 5 it doesn't have to be meetings all the time. It doesn't have to be meetings in the morning. You know there are days where I want to get up and I want to totally slow roll my morning and enjoy my coffee and do some stretching and maybe read a little bit you know, but then I actually can be super productive in the evening and that's okay, like I told myself that wasn't okay because I had to do that as a teacher.

50:32.95

Dr_ tara jae

Right.

50:40.63

kitedart

But I'm like but sometimes I'm really focused So let's embrace that. So yeah I love that you did that for yourself and you know looking for again. What are the other places where you can change up the way that you do things so that it works better for you.

50:43.51

Dr_ tara jae

Um, yeah, um.

50:58.80

Dr_ tara jae

Um, yeah, you know.

50:59.28

kitedart

So important. Um, so let me ask a couple other things to wrap up can I ask you to share what entrepreneurial activism means to you.

51:05.84

Dr_ tara jae

Um, okay.

51:15.38

Dr_ tara jae

Um, hoof entrepreneurial activism thinking outside of the box we have had a cookie cutter approach to what being an entrepreneur means and. That shows up in systems like buying a house getting a loan getting a car because it's almost like our capitalistic society says you can only do it this Way. You can only make this this money this way entrepreneurial Activism for me is. How do you think differently think outside of the box and restructure the system not only for yourself. But how you're working in partnership with others.

51:56.10

kitedart

Ah.

52:03.41

kitedart

I love that that's great I'm like yes, um, and then the last thing and this is super important is how like 1 is I want you to share like how can people connect with you learn more about what you're up to engage with you.

52:09.00

Dr_ tara jae

Um, this is.

52:20.96

kitedart

And I think a really big part of that kind of back to what you were talking about earlier with the funding is how can people support the work that you're doing with Youth Seen.

52:32.36

Dr_ tara jae

I think the biggest thing is go into our website and click in that donate button um and becoming a monthly donor that would be super helpful and you know checking out some of the things that we're doing with black pride keeping up with the social media. And personally I I keep most of my social media quiet except for on Linkedin. That's pretty open and my Twitter which is just tarj you can find me and yeah like I'm am not as vocal as I should be. And by should be that I that I really want to be but also I just want to be very intentional and things that I am putting out there and making sure that you know it is a it is a thoughtful process in engaging with folks. But yeah, that's those are the best ways.

53:25.40

kitedart

Great, fantastic! Um, and that the website is you've seen dot org great just wanted to make sure fantastic. Ah Tara I love.

53:29.90

Dr_ tara jae

Um, you'd seen that org and it's also BlackPrideColorado.org

53:42.57

kitedart

What you're doing and I I would just encourage anybody go click that button donate on a regular basis. Um, check in with your people right? like I just hear that like checking in with one another taking that time and that space to um. Really value. The relationships we have because I think other humans. It's just so much more important than the production and and what we're getting done all the time right? So I Really appreciate those messages that you brought, um.

54:16.95

kitedart

Thank you for the work you're doing. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to join me today. I really appreciate it.

54:23.32

Dr_ tara jae

Um, of course. I looked at this as rest. So thank you.