Scarcity, “Success”, and the Effects of Parenthood on Entrepreneurship with Sara Flores, Founder of In Growth Lies Beauty

00:00.00

kitedart

Hello everyone and welcome to this week's session of the Now & Center podcast. I'm super excited for the human I get to be here with today. Her name is Sara Flores and she is the founder of In Growth Lies Beauty.  I think we met through a Kite + Dart event if I'm not mistaken and have just had the opportunity to have several discussions together and I really really appreciate, you know, the difference that Sara is trying to make in the world. I've heard quite a bit of her story and it's really inspiring and. Um, I just really appreciate, maybe mostly as the mother of two daughters, just the work that you're doing in the world. So Sara thanks for being here with me today.

00:44.23

Sara Flores

Um, yes, thank you Karen for your words and for having me on today.

00:51.82

kitedart

Yeah, so kind of given what I said in the introduction, would you please share with my listeners about your business, about In Growth Lies Beauty and and the difference that you're trying to make in the world.

01:06.20

Sara Flores

Yeah, so hello everyone my name is Sara Flores I am a health coach um and more specifically I am a coach who supports women to build a healthier relationship with their bodies and their food and really kind of break free from those expectations that surround us coming from diet culture. And gender expectations. You name it so many different factors. Um, that impact what we um view as health and how we measure success in terms of our health and how we care for our bodies. How we. Choose to eat and so yeah, so my role is really to come alongside my clients and help them to build towards that healthier relationship so they can have. Balance and really ideally freedom to go much beyond those concerns of body image and food and really tap into the. Gifts and talents that each of us has and the things that bring us joy.

02:39.55

kitedart

Um, yes I Love that. I think it's so interesting. How right? like that idea of like you know, really like shining Our light is kind of what I'm thinking about is you share that right? and and it's so funny because like that's what I'm trying to do as a business coaching consultant. And that's what you're doing as a health coach right? And there's so many different access points to how we how do we like love ourselves and accept ourselves and lean into you know our uniqueness and who we are and what makes us special and how we can. Um.

02:59.77

Sara Flores

Here is.

03:12.19

Sara Flores

Um, yeah.

03:16.40

kitedart

Use all of that to contribute to community in the world. So I love that I'm also thinking about I know I know and isn't it. So I mean I do feel like I feel like I feel like.

03:20.38

Sara Flores

Yeah, we're so nuanced we're so diverse. There's so many parts to us.

03:35.71

kitedart

World's been heavy lately like I mean not like just lately. It has been for a long time. There's always been a lot of things going on that are challenging and and not the way I want them to be in the world. Um, things have felt particularly heavy lately. Um.

03:37.19

Sara Flores

Confirm.

03:52.82

kitedart

For me anyway and it's It's also like I'm so lucky that I get to be around people like you who are like literally leaning into embracing our differences and celebrating our differences and.

04:06.98

Sara Flores

I.

04:11.16

kitedart

Authenticity and that kind of thing so it does give me hope as much as like things feel things feel challenging right now I also feel like there's a lot of hope I have because of that I'm very appreciative I'm also thinking like I'd love to just hear more from you I you know someone this earlier this week shared with me I had missed it that that there's this documentary that came out I think it's on Netflix angels and demons. It's about um, Victoria's secret and that that company and the culture and the um. I always confuse his name and say it wrong, but whatever the the guy who ran the company and um and I think it fits in so well with this whole idea of diet culture and standards of beauty. So can you just share maybe a little bit about like I never you've already shared some but like.

04:51.12

Sara Flores

With him.

04:58.10

Sara Flores

Um, yeah.

05:05.30

kitedart

What have you really seen learned you know what do you know that I don't know where other people don't know.

05:11.40

Sara Flores

Around.

05:13.89

kitedart

Just around you know around around um diet culture and how damaging that can be and what does it really mean to have a healthy relationship with food I mean just love to just kind of dig a little bit deeper into.

05:24.36

Sara Flores

Here. Okay. Yeah, yeah, So my focus with my business really comes from my own experience. Um with my own health journey and how that.

05:31.22

kitedart

Into what you know.

05:48.96

Sara Flores

You know that lens um has helped me to also see commonality in so many other people's experiences and you know this goes for people of all genders I specifically focus on women because that is. Um, you know the experience that I can align with most authentically um and can speak to without really being an imposter into that Identity. So um, so that's why I speak about women a lot but really. Having a healthy relationship with our body and our food It can look very different for each person. Um, just like an intimate partner relationship looks different from couples couple you know from.

06:36.30

kitedart

And.

06:45.75

Sara Flores

You know, different people couple or or more and yet I think the commonalities look like um that having self-compassion and accepting one's. Differences like you mentioned and having balance and going beyond focusing on a set of rules that say this is how this should look like to really. Being curious about what does this look like for me. Um, what does health look like for me what does self care look like for me um, go way Beyond the cliches that are so prevalent around self. Care and ah around like being healthy. Um because it is such a personal journey and um, such a personal answer for each one of us. So it. Not cookie cutter and it's not something that I could just say like well here are the instructions to having a healthy relationship with our bodies in our food. But yeah I Do you know, kind of.

08:03.79

kitedart

Me.

08:12.44

Sara Flores

Bringing it all together I Do think that some of the common factors are that of compassion and that curiosity with ourselves coming from that place you know along with curiosity that non-judgment. Because when we can be non-judgmental with ourselves and come from a place of Curiosity.. It's so much easier to extend that to other people as well. Um, and with the diet culture to answer that question. Diet culture I'll just define it briefly and this is not a textbook definition. Um, but what I think about with diet culture is kind of the social structure that gives a higher value to. People in thinner bodies that promote particular foods above others that encourages people to do whatever is necessary to pursue thinness and weight loss. Even if it's not thinness. But. Coming down to that ideal weight um elevating bmi as a tool that is valid which it is not. It is not based on Science. Um, and it's very harmful because you know. Weight isn't a reliable indicator of health and um diet culture preludes. The capitalism and the food industry marketing. Um, there's so many marketing employees that promote sales of particular foods.

09:47.90

kitedart

Um, and.

10:05.53

Sara Flores

That really exclude a lot of culture. A lot of different cultures foods um, especially cultures who um, are comprised of mostly you know people of color. Um.

10:18.10

kitedart

A.

10:22.40

Sara Flores

It messes with our expectations of body image and is really focused on idealizing that not only a thin body but a um, you know more european. You know, um, built body you know and that even that is really generalizing but like the Bmi was created by a sociologist on the basis of you know a white male your pin male. Body that is not then not the the normal for anybody it is just this one body type of many there is no normal. Um, but you know really elevating that to become the norm.

11:01.23

kitedart

Um, a.

11:20.53

Sara Flores

Um, and so just all these different ways that it really impacts our sense of of that that things are well within us and makes us feel like. Things are not well and things need to change and we have to change how we look and change how we eat and causes just so much inner turmoil and and strife. That goes then beyond the internal to then impacting relationships impacting finances impacting energy levels and how you know that trickles down into other parts of our lives. So I Just see it as being really damaging. So many different ways and I'm probably rambling now because I just feel super strongly about it. But um, yeah I'll stop, but that's just a little bit of my thoughts on the subject.

12:16.67

kitedart

And.

12:24.35

kitedart

Yeah, what? Yeah no I love it. I love it and I mean I love your passion and I love um, you know your story right? and knowing the struggle that it's been for you like even as you were talking there. Literally like reflected back to I remember when I when I hit a hundred pounds in terms of my weight and I was pretty young like because I was always really tall like I was always taller than my friends and the other kids you know the other girls in my in my class and um. I think I hit a hundred pounds I don't remember if I was in none grade or none grade I I can only judge it based on where I lived at the time. Um I remember what town I lived in and and so it was either none grade or none grade and I was like oh my gosh like that's terrible. That's awful.  I'm so overweight and it's crazy to me because I look back and I was a really active kid I was really pretty healthy I mean I did at the time live in Nebraska definitely kind of meat and potatoes kind of country but I'm not going to say that everything I mean, it's funny. We talk about this with our kids sometimes about like how many actual like fresh fruits and vegetables. They ate as a young kid versus what my kids eat like I don't know if I had a fresh green bean until I was an adult it was canned green beans like but you know, I just, I look back at pictures and I'm like how could I have ever thought that I was fat or overweight or unhealthy or whatever you know, but I just remember being so judgmental of myself in it and I just felt so uncomfortable in my own skin, because of a random number on a scale that had nothing to do with my health as you're saying. So I really appreciate your passion and it makes perfect sense to me. Um, and and I also wanted I wanted to pull out a couple other things if you don't mind like, you know, again as you were talking about the bmi right? And again, it's just like yep, there's white supremacy again. Lovely like even in this tool that's supposed to be so objective white supremacy. Um, also yeah, oh yeah.

14:37.46

Sara Flores

Yes. Um, and it's still used so prevalent everywhere and there is just no scientific base for it and it's just I just can't believe that it's just so used.

15:13.59

kitedart

According to be a I right there I don't even know what they're I don't know the classifications I don't whatever but like they're going to have the right be a my number but are they really so that healthy like I know one of those women was talking about how she would have a strictly liquid diet for some certain amount of time before a show to just make sure that you know and oh and drink no water for like the day before um to just really be trimmed down for the show and I'm like that's not healthy like that's that's not so.

Just a couple of the things was um that you know not having a one size fits all approach. And I really appreciate that because I I mean that's the same thing that we do at Kite + Dart and and it's even where our name comes from and that there isn't a one-size fits all, do abcd and I feel like None things about that is like None is that I think sometimes people are so overwhelmed and tired and and and self-judging that they do just want a 1 2 3 approach. Um, and I think part of that is our conditioning and we've been told that there is a right way to do things and so people are like okay well just tell me what to do just give me those directions and I think so often you know when people go to a coach. They're looking for the answer of what they're supposed to do.

16:51.30

Sara Flores

You know. Um, yeah.

17:07.73

kitedart

We're not used to looking inside and finding our own answers. So I really appreciate that that's your approach. Um, and I'm curious about that like how do you since it isn't about having a 1 2 3 approach, and every person's individual like how do you help them uncover what is the right way for their body?

17:35.37

Sara Flores

It's really client-led and I definitely helped set the expectations of what my scope of practices as a coach um from the beginning because there is like you say there's so much. Um, you didn't mention this but but as you were talking about people really wanting to be given the the answers and just abcd of what to do. There's. A lot of misperceptions around what coaching is and what a health coach does um and you know I'm not a nutritionist or a dietician So I am not Able. No Why do I want to be prescribing um diets or you know ways of eating. To people. Um I'm not looking at at those health metrics and specifically like designing a ah meal plan. Um, and I do think sometimes people also um. See other coaches doing that and sometimes those other coaches will have other credentials so they're doing it. You know under those other credentials as well. But sometimes people could go out of their scope of Practice. So I Just want to mention that because, since coaching is not um, it's a very new field still and life coaching is a little bit more understood, but still we think of coaching and we think of sports most of the time and like tell me what to do and they have the sports which has the liability and the responsibility to get it right? Um, and this is such a different approach using the same word. So just going to you know mention that so you know with with when I'm working with folks. It's really letting them lead in the content and I provide the structure um of my sessions. With with folks so it depends on you know what's going on for them that day sometimes or that week. Um and that can sometimes guide our conversations I am often Finding. Common threads between what someone is bringing up at this session and what we've talked about in 3 or 4 sessions past and helping kind of um with that meaning making for them just from that outside perspective. Um, but always chucking in with my clients too like does this does this does this land. Well as he does this feel right? Um because I don't want to just be bringing in my own opinion. Um, and then people accept it. Without really just checking in again with themselves so helping them stay curious and constantly checking in with themselves about um what we're discussing about the goals that they're setting. Um. The the topics that we're addressing the smart goals and and like action steps that we're agreeing on or that they're agreeing on and um, creating how do those feel is that. Does that feel authentic to you does it. You know force in any way. Let's talk through that because the goal really is to help them.. It's really a self exploration journey you know with support from me as their coach and through that they're discovering what that healthy relationship looks like for themselves without me telling them. You know this is what you should be doing and this is what worked for me. That is not what ah a coach in my belief. What a coach should be doing Um, that's really getting in the way. So.

22:16.34

kitedart

Um, yeah, yeah, no, That's great I Totally I So that I so agree with that that resonates so much and you know what? I really hear in there is that it's about them defining what the. It's about them defining what success means for them and so you know whether it be better sleep or you know a stronger body or having more energy or having this healthier relationship with food or like whatever those things mean that it's you helping support them through the self-discovery of like what it is they really want and how they can get there and what feels right in their body and I think that relates also and this is partially from my experience as a coach is that it relates back to that judgment.

23:04.75

Sara Flores

This one.

23:13.96

kitedart

And piece that you talked about and that sometimes some of the biggest hurdles I think to get through have to do with self-judgment and the blocks. Um, that can come from that that can really hold us back and so it can be doing a lot of this like mindset or.

23:21.47

Sara Flores

Really yeah.

23:33.34

kitedart

Um, you know Self-love self-compassion kind of work to open up the space for really stepping into what we really want for ourselves. Yeah.

23:44.48

Sara Flores

Um, yeah, yeah, and I think sometimes it can be so easy to be confused with between um, you know when we're thinking about like how we. How we are doing things in our day-to-day. It can be None hard to take the time to ask ourselves the questions and and be curious around like so this doesn't feel great. What could I be doing differently. What is it about this that that is um, bothersome or or impacting me in some way. Um, and then validating that that is valid to to be redundant, but but just like accepting that it.

24:33.12

kitedart

Yeah.

24:39.52

Sara Flores

It is totally okay to have those feelings and not kind of invalidate ourselves in the process and be like I just need to get over this I Just see that I like push through it's not a big deal. Why am I Even thinking about it I'm just going to move on. It's so much.

24:58.95

Sara Flores

Easier to do the latter um takes less time and effort and mental energy. And yeah, sometimes it's you know it's a luxury really to um to be curious and to be introspective. But.

25:14.24

kitedart

Um, yeah.

25:18.20

Sara Flores

When when you do have that opportunity. You know that's part of the things that I that I really try to hold space for in my coaching it can be so valuable um to just have that space and be validated in. Even if it's the smallest thing of something that that's impacting us because those small things have ripple effects that we don't even sometimes think about and then we get to you know decades into our adult life. And we have this other big issue health size that we're dealing with like how do we even get here.

26:01.23

kitedart

Yeah, so True. So true and I think you're right and I I think it's kind of again part of um, the way our system are you know this capitalist system this oppressive system. Right is that if we can kind of the system benefits from us not taking that time to take that step back and tune in right because if we can sort of stay Hamster wheel and just try to survive and just try to get by that really serves capital.

26:28.31

Sara Flores

Um, yeah, and so.

26:39.42

Sara Flores

No, right.

26:40.26

kitedart

Um, right? then we want to go by the quick fix here's the quick fix here's the quick fix and you know it's more about like how do we spend money to react to things as opposed to how do we pause and take that step back and go inward and connect.

26:57.50

Sara Flores

Um, yeah.

27:00.24

kitedart

With ourself. It's not about buying something. It's about connecting with ourselves and honoring ourselves and having compassion and grace and love for ourselves so that makes so much.

27:05.80

Sara Flores

Um, yeah, yeah is valuing productivity above rest above yeah, taking that step back because.

27:18.78

kitedart

Um, yeah I have.

27:24.48

Sara Flores

When we take that step back then that yeah that that seemingly takes away in the moment of our ability to keep going to move to Purdue and we're not societally you know societally societally we are.

27:33.89

kitedart

Yeah.

27:44.14

Sara Flores

Um, what's the word I'm looking for. We're just oh my gosh. The word like invaded my mind.

27:57.61

kitedart

That's okay happens to be all the time I Are you thinking kind of like we are overly focused on production and it's like this extractive nature. So it's we're always like trying to get more.

27:59.76

Sara Flores

Um, we are.

28:10.87

Sara Flores

Um I was well I was thinking so societally societally we are um, taught to taught isn't the word that I wanted to use but where.

28:15.43

kitedart

Earn. No maybe that's up.

28:27.12

kitedart

Condition.

28:29.93

Sara Flores

Condition. Thank you Oh my gosh. That's the word. Go like yeah sure we're societally conditioned to produce, to hustle, to consider rest as weakness. You know there's the the quote no or the saying rather you you can sleep when you're dead um and such little value is placed on sleep. Um.

29:08.69

Sara Flores

In our culture and that it makes it so counterintuitive to take that step back? Um, but honestly and this is something that you know much older. Cultures and ours have um, known for countries that it's so important to to do that work to take that step up to rest to look inward. Um to find those answers. In order to move forward effectively because otherwise what we're doing is really working ourselves into the ground so to speak to be morebid about it. But you know, um, and so yeah, so.

30:05.11

Sara Flores

That's also a big part of my of what I try to bring to my clients is just that permission to rest to ask themselves those questions to pause. Um, because my goal is really to empower them to Move. Way Beyond working with a coach. You know it's not sustainable to be working with someone the whole time. This isn't this isn't Therapy. Um, and it's not me trying to keep those clients forever. Um, that that wouldn't be a good sign of of me doing my job. Um.

30:43.11

Sara Flores

You know there's space for working on other aspects of themselves certainly um, but just working with someone for years and years it's more of ah, a codependent relationship than an empowering one. So yeah, just think it's so important that people feel validated in that in taking that that time because it's just so countercultural.

31:15.91

kitedart

Ah. Yeah, yeah, so True. So True. So I'd love to shift the conversation a little bit and talk about your experience as a business owner I'd love to hear about some of the.

31:21.97

Sara Flores

Do that? um.

31:30.30

Sara Flores

Here.

31:39.76

kitedart

Challenges that you've had along the way in starting and running a business.

31:43.33

Sara Flores

Yeah, um, there is there have been many challenges that it's it's in a sense I feel like it's um, somewhat similar to becoming a parent. You have no idea and in.

31:48.89

kitedart

I.

32:02.35

Sara Flores

Even if people try to tell you what it's like to start a business. Um, you really can't understand what that's like until you're in it. Um similar to parenting. No one can ever really help you understand until you're a parent What that's like.

32:20.46

kitedart

Yeah.

32:22.00

Sara Flores

But um, yeah, some of the the struggles have been um, imposter Syndrome Definitely um, the fear of scarcity too I really didn't understand. Ah, level that I was going to need to work on my relationship with money. Um in in starting this business and focusing full time on it and leaving my my paycheck for this. Business. So. That's that's been very real and defining success differently because I used to define it very much by production by how much I was making by how many hours I was working. Um, you know by those those external metrics that Capitalism gives us even though I was working in like the nonprofit sector but very much still defined. A lot of my success in terms of. Those capitalistic ideals. So That's been yeah, that's that's been a revelation to me that I did not expect I've grown.

33:49.50

kitedart

Yeah.

33:54.97

Sara Flores

So much. Um, but I had to really shift how I how I that how I measure that to really appreciate the growth that I have had.

34:07.30

kitedart

Yeah, it's so interesting as you shared that it it has me thinking about the conversation. We just had around health right? And how again in this culture. We've been given these outside metrics to tell us what is healthy.

34:22.64

Sara Flores

Um, yeah, that's.

34:26.42

kitedart

And what is beauty and what is the right way for our bodies to be in the same way as here's what it means to be productive here's what it means to be successful here's what it means to um, be working hard enough or working enough or you know.

34:40.78

Sara Flores

Yes.

34:43.80

kitedart

And again I think we're so conditioned and and and like I would argue that literally everything is capitalistic and our culture like not not maybe not maybe strictly literally in an economic way but like in a like. Nonprofits are still businesses and they're still there to get money and do something with money now they do something different with their profits but it it's still a business I was an education for Forever. Yep business right? like.

35:03.46

Sara Flores

Is this.

35:18.92

Sara Flores

So yeah.

35:21.30

kitedart

And again it may not be there to make a profit but there is so much business. That's a part of the education system and so I do think that again, you know, capitalism and you know.

35:25.33

Sara Flores

Um, no friend are.

35:37.42

kitedart

The the forever goal to produce more to make a dollar and and also I'd I'd call out just power in general too right? to have power like all of those things I think really are infused in every industry that we have um.

35:53.40

Sara Flores

Um, yeah.

35:56.59

kitedart

So anyway I Just think it's interesting kind of back to what it is saying is that the the parallels between your journey as a business owner and the journey you take people on as a health coach right? There's a lot of similarities and I do think that being a business owner.

36:08.14

Sara Flores

And.

36:16.18

kitedart

Honestly I wouldn't have thought that I would be a business coaching consultant five years ago but I found business to be an incredibly fertile ecosystem for personal growth because of how.

36:19.85

Sara Flores

Who.

36:31.29

Sara Flores

Um, yeah.

36:35.70

kitedart

Confronting it is and it brings up like you said imposter syndrome and scarcity and what does success mean and I mean it's all there. It's very rich ground for for that work and that growth.

36:35.99

Sara Flores

Yeah.

36:48.48

Sara Flores

Yeah, it certainly can be if the person is open to that gross. Yeah.

36:53.83

kitedart

Um, yeah, yeah, totally and I know you're all about growth. So um, me too me too. So thank you for sharing about some of those struggles I'm wondering um, you know what? I'd love to just call out None other thing right on imposter syndrome is that None thing. I've really been playing around with in the past year or 2 is just this idea of imposter syndrome and what exactly it is and I really feel like I think I used to think imposter syndrome was kind of a character flaw of myself. It was like ah what's wrong with me.

37:32.21

Sara Flores

And.

37:32.65

kitedart

Kind of the same way as perfectionism right? But I think that like impostor Syndrome is really internalized depression. It's those places where we've been told we're not enough so whether it's as a woman or as a person of color or as.

37:40.51

Sara Flores

Smooth. Absolutely.

37:51.22

kitedart

Someone who's got a different you know, different gender norms or sexuality or abilities or body shape and size right? like all of these ways that we're oppressed I think that imposter syndrome is the manifestation of that internalization.

38:07.87

Sara Flores

Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so it's it's.

38:09.94

kitedart

Which gave me more power over it to to have that understanding for myself I don't know if that resonates in your experience.

38:26.84

Sara Flores

Like taking on those expectations from others from diet culture from Capitalism from all these external sources and measuring up to those things instead of measuring up. To our own true.

38:47.17

kitedart

Um, yeah, yeah I think it is because that you know that um that conditioning has an impact on all of us right? like it's not just unfortunately it's not just.

38:58.98

Sara Flores

Um, yeah.

39:06.51

kitedart

For example, men who can be sexist and patriarchal and misogynistic right? like or who can see women as less than we've.

39:21.65

Sara Flores

Yeah, inhale.

39:24.98

kitedart

Been taught I mean when I started when I started ascension energetics which was my None business I was I was totally intimidated by men when I would be out at networking things and that's internalized Sexism. You know that I I had that imposter syndrome that I wasn't good enough because I was a woman and that's not true, but that conditioning even though like cognitively I'm like hell no I'm a badass there still was.

39:48.62

Sara Flores

Move home.

40:03.28

kitedart

Enough conditioning that um that that that that that came out you know or it held me back. So yeah I think that um that imposter syndrome is is so common particularly for anybody who doesn't have the Cis white hat.

40:11.57

Sara Flores

Yeah.

40:23.17

kitedart

Mail Lots of money in the bank et Cetera etc right.

40:27.10

Sara Flores

Um, yeah, and for me, it comes up a lot in the sense of like who am I to be talking about this subject. Um. And who am I to be talking about body image. For example I receive thin privilege I have um I've always been. You know since I was very young then Measured. Um by my beauty by my appearance. Um, and I've always struggled with that but also benefited from that. Um, and it doesn't feel fair to me. That's why I struggle with that a lot. Um, but I then I think like how and how am I going to be talking about this when I really have not um. Really lived the experience of not receiving that that privilege and those benefits. Um, and this this came up for me a lot when I was um.

41:45.85

kitedart

A.

41:58.55

Sara Flores

College because I was doing social work and I was in the field of social work professionally before starting my business as a health coach and thinking about you know there are so many people. And the world struggling with so many things that I have never experienced um and really learning that comparative suffering is not helpful. Um, and that there is still space for. Um, for people who want to support others. Even if you haven't had that same experience and if you think you have you probably still haven't because we all lock in different shoes. Um, and we all we all. Even the same experience hits differently for everybody. So Even though I know that cognitively um and I know my heart and the beliefs that I hold about um. You know people's worth and that that is not at all tied to um, appearance and weight and body image. But um, it's still kind of you know. Nags at me in the back of my head because I worry about how other people might perceive me does that make some.

43:35.56

kitedart

Um, um, it it makes total sense and none of all I love that idea of comparative suffering right? like that was well articulated right? that you're right comparative suffering does not. Um, it doesn't do us any good and I think that that part of what I'm hearing that I want to call out is that this idea of like I think 2 things None is that we we can have privilege. And it doesn't mean that in a way that privilege doesn't hurt us right? like like having a supremacist culture period hurts all of us, and my belief is that until we don't have racism or classism or sexism or ableism. We're all hurt by that now it doesn't mean that people don't have privilege and therefore it's not a level playing field right? and so it may hurt some more than others.

44:34.71

Sara Flores

This one.

44:47.22

kitedart

But ultimately until I'm free I mean Roe V Wade just got overturned I no longer have autonomy over my body. Um, my daughters don't have autonomy over their body until they have autonomy over their body.

44:47.65

Sara Flores

Move now.

44:53.67

Sara Flores

You know.

45:06.90

kitedart

Everyone is hurt right? like it's not the same. But I think that it's important like to me to to be able to be with it. Kind of the both and around how Privilege gives. Certain identities of people people with certain identities. Um, unfair advantage and ah you know, unearned advantage so to speak. But it also hurts all of us. Um, it hurts us in different ways.

45:29.96

Sara Flores

Um, into now. Yeah.

45:41.95

kitedart

So that's kind of 1 thing I'd pull out and None and even like you said that you've you've had privilege because your body has fit a certain um ideal that is super random and you know not.

45:55.90

Sara Flores

Um, yeah.

45:58.36

kitedart

Not real, not true and that there's a privilege in that. But I also know from knowing more about your story that it's hurt you too. Um and then also the idea. Yeah.

46:05.74

Sara Flores

Um, because there's the fear of losing like if you manage to be in the in the in the right box. There's always the fear of like what happens if I lose that.

46:17.30

kitedart

Um, um, yeah, that's yeah, well put so true.

46:30.54

Sara Flores

Um, and it's not not even random Really, it's It's very much tied to racism how we have created an ideal body type.

46:43.62

kitedart

Um, yeah, and I think um, the other thing I'd love to pull out too is just that you know any any way that an individual is oppressed. I think can give us access to some amount of maybe empathy I since they understanding I don't know that understanding's right like there are certain things I'm never going to understand about somebody else's oppression.

47:18.74

Sara Flores

Is now.

47:20.68

kitedart

But I think the ways that I've experienced oppression gives me access to understanding how oppression works that can give me access to empathy and being able to listen and hear and connect with. Other people's oppression. Maybe that's it Maybe it's more about connecting not necessarily understanding because there's things I'm never going to understand about other people's hands. But um, yeah.

47:40.51

Sara Flores

Mark.

47:46.80

Sara Flores

Um, yeah, yeah, Rene Brown talks about that quite a bit I don't know if you follow her. Yeah, oh.

47:58.10

kitedart

A little bit not not lately. Honestly, it's been probably a couple of years but

48:05.46

Sara Flores

She has taught me a lot has been very important in my growth journey. Personally she is the one where I got comparative suffering from as well that she talks about what exactly what you're saying that. Even though we don't have the same.

48:10.88

kitedart

I have.

48:25.34

Sara Flores

Experiences that we can connect on the the commonalities of the feelings that we are having. So if you have experienced grief. Um I might not and. Not my I obviously will not have had the same experience of like how you went over are going through that grief but I might have experienced grief in my own life from a different situation. And I can empathize on that on that common feeling. Um, yeah, So and and I think that that's that is so important to remember and also really highlight.

49:06.16

kitedart

A.

49:19.98

Sara Flores

Value of of being introspective and really understanding ourselves so that we can um, pull from those understandings and and connect with others in a deeper way.

49:33.49

kitedart

Um, yeah, yeah, and I think that relates back to when you were talking about judgment and the correlation between how we judge ourselves and how we judge others like I tend to think that. Um. When when we judge ourselves heavily It makes us more judgmental of others right? and and that oftentimes when we are judging others. It's like if we look in the mirror we can actually see that it's more about how we're judging ourselves and so that self-awareness.

50:04.46

Sara Flores

Yes.

50:09.15

kitedart

Um, when we can be empathetic to ourselves. We can be empathetic with others when we connect with ourselves we can connect with others and I do I I strongly believe that and I think that it's I think it's so much why I like um, coaching work period like in. Whatever. You know whether it's health coaching or business coaching or life coaching or whatever I think taking that step back to connect with ourself and do that introspection. Um is so valuable and and I think None thing I'd offer and I'd kind of love to move into a coaching conversation with you. But.

50:45.60

Sara Flores

Business.

50:47.23

kitedart

1 thing I'd offer even about your journey right? is that even for the struggles that you've had you know and I think you said this right that it's that that you've grown so much and like what a gift is that right? and even though it can be really hard.

50:58.40

Sara Flores

Now.

51:04.90

kitedart

What a cool thing that you've been able to grow in all these ways that you maybe wouldn't have been able to access if you were still working in your your job you know and um and I think that's 1 thing that I actually just really do love about business.

51:12.91

Sara Flores

Um, yeah.

51:22.70

kitedart

Like I said it's a really fertile playground. So with that. Um, let's move into a coaching conversation and I'd love would you be willing to share um with us something you're grappling with today and we'll see what we can uncover for you.

51:24.79

Sara Flores

Yeah.

51:38.96

Sara Flores

Um, yeah, yeah, so as I mentioned you before he started recording I'm pregnant so I am it's not ah unplanned. Um. Pregnancy is our second and we have a 4 year old and we had just really gotten on the same page that we were really good having an only child. Um and you know that opened up a lot of space for me to think about my business and how I was going to move forward and grow. Um, and now that feels shaky. Um, and I feel unsure when I think about what am I building towards right now and these. Months before my baby comes then new in February um, what? what can I build right now that will that will be able to be easily pause and won't. See like a waste of time from having to make that pause. Um I don't know what my what life is just going to look like when I have two kids. And know so many people do it and yet it feels so intimidating to me to think about um and I was not in that head space at all so thinking about like how what is this going to mean for my business and my time because my first priority above all else is.

53:11.39

kitedart

For me.

53:29.62

Sara Flores

My children. That's why I really started this business was to build something that would allow me more time with my daughter um than than what I was being afforded working a full-time job outside of the home. Um, and so yeah, just kind of if we can maybe I'd love to get more clarity around that you know given that's what coaching is all about,. But yeah, feeling kind of shaky on shaky ground about. About that because I don't I believe no matter what happens I do believe that this is like a lifelong journey for me I don't ever see myself as not. Um. Not coaching in some capacity because I love doing this I Love being in these conversations with my clients and supporting them through those aha moments you just realizing how good it feels to you know do a breathing exercise and ask themselves like wait.

54:28.36

kitedart

Ah.

54:46.68

Sara Flores

But 1 little thing that I could change to to feel better in my body and um and I want to keep doing that. Um, but I am just unsure of what that'll look like in the next in the next year or so.

55:03.37

kitedart

Yeah, yeah, so thanks for sharing all of that and I think 1 thing I'd love to pull out from what you said earlier was you said that owning a business was like.

55:10.52

Sara Flores

Here.

55:23.00

kitedart

Having your None child and and becoming a parent and that um, there's no way to know what that's going to be like until you get there and I so agree with that by the way as a mother of 2 I'm like oh my gosh like I had no idea and so.

55:24.63

Sara Flores

Using. Um, now.

55:42.40

kitedart

I I would offer one thing is that having two kids is. There's no way for you to know what that's going to be like until you get there in the same way that having 1 child was unknowable until you got there.

55:50.91

Sara Flores

Now. Um, you know.

55:58.65

kitedart

I'd offer that just kind of your words right? back to you? Um, and also that this is a fairly new. It wasn't planned and it's a fairly new um situation or and you know knowing that you were pregnant and. And this whole idea of being on shaky ground and there's part of me that just wonders like is there a way for you to be okay with being on shaky ground and what might that do for you.

56:26.78

Sara Flores

New.

56:34.22

Sara Flores

That's a good question. It's a great question as a recovering perfectionist and an enneagram One. You don't like it and yet. Also I just sometimes um I look back on my None Pregnancy which was also unplanned and changed my whole you know life. Obviously that's what pregnancy and children do but you know just it just turns my world upside down. Um, and. Really taught me a lesson that I was starting to forget that we really don't have control. Um, we have this just the Mirage of being in control false sense of being in control. But there's very little that we actually do control.

57:28.17

kitedart

Ah.

57:29.67

Sara Flores

Um, and that that brings its own beauty and um, its own and wonderful experiences that one could never have imagined. It's. Hard to have to like relearn that message again you know because I was starting to feel like with a 4 year old getting back into my life and having more time and being able be more more creative just having more mental space.

57:50.12

kitedart

Now.

58:06.61

Sara Flores

And yeah, kind of letting that go again or accepting that it's just going to look differently is's hard.

58:08.36

kitedart

Um.

58:17.29

kitedart

Yeah, have you? Um, this might be a touch touchy question. So how do you feel about me asking What might be a touchy question.

58:30.69

Sara Flores

Go for it.

58:34.11

kitedart

Um I think in our Society. We're always, um, there's ah, there's a certain amount of conditioning that being pregnant is always something to be celebrated and that. Right? You're supposed to be maybe feeling very happy right now and what I hear is that you're feeling like you're on shaky ground and I'm also curious like you know or maybe not curious, but wondering like to what extent is there? also.

58:56.81

Sara Flores

M.

59:12.76

kitedart

Ah, grief over the loss of what you thought was coming and yeah and and have you given yourself a chance to be with the grief.

59:12.99

Sara Flores

Um, yeah, absolutely yeah I'm going through that Grace period for a None time. Yeah.

59:30.60

Sara Flores

Name.

59:31.44

kitedart

And be okay with feeling the grief versus maybe judging like I'm supposed to be happy right now like.

59:39.98

Sara Flores

Yeah, that's an interesting question I don't feel like I am judging myself for my grief and the feelings because I already went through that when Henry None

59:55.41

kitedart

Um, yeah.

59:58.65

Sara Flores

There was so much shame I had her out of wedlock out of the marriage I was raised in a baptist with a baptist upbringing. Um, and so I went through ah a period where I was.

01:00:07.33

kitedart

Ah.

01:00:18.29

Sara Flores

Isolating myself from everyone and I didn't tell anybody that I was pregnant until um I was showing very much and I just cut myself off because I felt so much shame? Um, and so much grief. Because I have a very different plan for my my life in the very near future. Um, so I feel I've validated myself in that I've had conversations where I've been open with other people. Around that and and how come you realize like becoming a mother and pregnancy is definitely so nuanced and it's okay to to like I can say that I am grieving and I can also say that I Love this baby. Even though I didn't expect nor plan or exactly want to be pregnant right now? Um, but like both can be true even though that feels like weird. Um, however.

01:01:20.37

kitedart

Um, yeah, asked.

01:01:31.26

Sara Flores

What is harder for me to accept is the not knowing in my business because that's new ground for me and I was just starting to feel really.

01:01:38.40

kitedart

Yeah, yeah.

01:01:48.66

Sara Flores

Confident in the chair and then I how like this happened and then just like took the right like yeah pulled the rug right from under me. Um, that's what's harder for me to accept right now.

01:01:52.72

kitedart

Um, yeah.

01:02:00.43

kitedart

Um, yeah, yeah, understandable, understandable. Um I do when I do I Do really appreciate that you are so in this space where you can feel the grieving and the love at the same time and I think that's so important because we are taught that. We're conditioned to be with either or and I think the both and and not just the both and in terms of Gray area. But literally I can be both this end of the spectrum and this end of the spectrum at the same Time. So I'm I'm really I'm I'm glad for you that you can hold space for both of those.

01:02:38.36

Sara Flores

You know.

01:02:39.10

kitedart

Um, and I totally get it on your business right? and and ah you know we've had enough conversations over the time since I've met you that like I've seen you really step into your competence and step into having some more direction and this definitely throws a curt ball at that.

01:02:57.57

Sara Flores

Um, yeah.

01:02:58.16

kitedart

So I think what I'm wondering I think there's a couple things None is again like what might you be able to do with being with the not knowing what it's going to be like. And at the same time. What things can you do to continue to build and also put you in a position where you can have the time with your new baby with your family right? When. He or she they get here. Um, and that that's that that's important to you as well. So I think what I'm wondering is when you think about the things that have been going. Well.

01:03:39.36

Sara Flores

Now.

01:03:51.13

kitedart

And where you're gaining confidence because to me in business right? like so much of what makes a business work is when we are like in that sweet spot right? of of we're making the difference that we're truly committed to making and we're. Leveraging our strengths and passions and talents and skills expertise and so and and part of why that works so well is who we're being in that space is like our most powerful self our biggest contribution.

01:04:24.90

Sara Flores

So.

01:04:29.57

kitedart

And so if if you could let go of needing to know what it's going to look like literally in February but be with where you are now and put yourself as much as possible in the space of being a contribution.

01:04:36.39

Sara Flores

Who.

01:04:48.75

kitedart

And and really doing the things that make you feel really powerful and confident and and impactful for others like what would that be.

01:04:59.22

Sara Flores

Man. That so in the right now that feels hard to fully like embody that because of None trimester shenanigans.

01:05:22.39

kitedart

Yeah, None trying to search shenanigans hallelujah oh my gosh. Yes I got that I got that? yeah.

01:05:23.47

Sara Flores

And.

01:05:29.80

Sara Flores

And but um, what I've been focusing on is showing us consistently for the clients I currently have and allowing myself the time to rest. And validate the hell out of myself and my physical needs right now and practice all the things that I tell everybody else. Um especially around food. Um, because I've you know, been.

01:05:56.56

kitedart

Ever.

01:06:06.67

Sara Flores

None I've been struggling with eating and been wanting food that I get I usually don't eat at all. Um and just ah, like stop being. Okay, um, really trying to like x. Sp from my brain all the messages that I've gotten about especially last pregnancy about health you don't want to eat too much bread because you don't want to gain too much weight or it'll be hard to lose that after the baby comes. All that nonsense is really really validating my own needs and my own body. Um, and so that's what I'm focusing on right now. Um I think.

01:06:55.93

kitedart

Yeah.

01:07:02.70

Sara Flores

That next month will look different I hope I hope by next month things will look different or maybe in two months I don't know um when these name agans will will simmer down but when it does happen um reasses.

01:07:05.17

kitedart

Yeah.

01:07:22.65

Sara Flores

I guess in the like what you're saying be okay with with the not knowing what's going to happen in two months not trying to have like a laid out plan goes back to how you know I define success. Redefining that once again. Yeah.

01:07:40.33

kitedart

Yeah, yeah, and giving yourself I think there's this I think there's a okay I don't know if you work this way. So but I think there's something to be said for. When we're in a space of not having clarity right? Like we're again, we're so we're super conditioned for production and so you you were just getting to this place where you're like stepping more fully into your confidence and your impact and.

01:07:59.47

Sara Flores

Um.

01:08:14.20

kitedart

Growing your business and getting more clarity and and having things working. Um and then all of a sudden you're in completely different circumstances that completely impact this vision that you had and this clarity that you had and a lot of times.

01:08:23.74

Sara Flores

Here.

01:08:29.45

Sara Flores

Here.

01:08:32.59

kitedart

Think when we don't have a when we don't have Clarity. We just are like I'm gonna force the clarity I need the clarity now so I can get the plan so that I can move forward and it sounds like your body physically speaking is in a space where it's saying hold on time Out. You need to Chill. You need to rest, you need to relax you. You know what? I mean and and some of that may be about the physical aspect. There's some emotional aspect of of feeling the grief and and working through that like I do think that you know we that it takes time to work through that grief.

01:08:55.40

Sara Flores

We.

01:09:12.30

kitedart

Um, and again it doesn't mean you can't do anything but like maybe just giving yourself that as you're talking about giving yourself the time and space to be with the None trimester shenanigans and then.

01:09:24.83

Sara Flores

Who.

01:09:30.22

kitedart

How like that may provide more space and opportunity for the clarity to come when you're feeling better physically Um, because if you try to force it right now and don't take care of yourself is that going to put you in any better place.

01:09:37.30

Sara Flores

Moving.

01:09:49.64

Sara Flores

Um, it's so funny because as we're talking I'm literally thinking like this is exactly what I what I want for my clients because.

01:09:50.80

kitedart

In two months

01:10:04.56

Sara Flores

Across the Lifespan. We have so many different health needs and different things that happen and how we care for ourselves at one point changes with our circumstances and being pregnant or other situations. Um, and. Yeah, being okay with those changes and with that that um lack of having all the answers and relearning is hard. But. So important to important to for resilience and for growth and for just to to have that sense of well-being within ourselves. So. It's funny that I'm catching myself in this because this is.

01:10:47.53

kitedart

Yeah. Yeah.

01:11:00.20

kitedart

Yeah, yeah, it well and it's it I mean honestly I'm going to argue with kind of all the same thing right? like what stops this in our health journey can be similar to what stops us in our business Journey can be similar to what stops us in some relationships.

01:11:00.42

Sara Flores

Mirrors What I talk with my clients about you know.

01:11:09.70

Sara Flores

Um, yeah now.

01:11:19.85

kitedart

Can be what stops us in whatever it's all the same thing really like this whole idea of like everything separate and compartmentalized in our lives is a joke. It's a scam right? like it's just not and so you know it makes perfect sense and also it's hard to coach ourselves through what we coach others through.

01:11:28.59

Sara Flores

Now.

01:11:39.27

kitedart

But like it also gives you access right? and it's also going to help you be able to help your clients even more going forward. Um I think the other thing I'm curious. Not maybe not curious about but like.

01:11:48.19

Sara Flores

Here You and.

01:11:57.00

kitedart

I want to call in None other thing right? because I do think that there's you're having a baby that is going to impact your life in a lot of big ways right? and so what does that look like next February or next June or July what month are we in July you know how's that gonna look who knows right? and you also still want to move your business forward. And then there's also a workability factor. So the other thing I'd love to just call in in addition to like you said consistently showing up for your clients now looking for the places where you've been feeling some confidence and how can you like continue to take some of those actions. Whether it be being on social media or being in front of people or you know what I mean like because you can and and maybe you can't right now why you're not feeling well but like how can you continue to do those things that have been working and putting you in that space of being the biggest contribution. Um, but then. Workability factor part of me thinks that there's probably ah, a monetary aspect to that right? and and having a baby always impacts. Maybe not always I shouldn't say that but can very much impact the money side of things and so.

01:13:01.81

Sara Flores

Sharp.

01:13:10.85

Sara Flores

And see.

01:13:14.30

kitedart

None thing I'd encourage you to kind of be with and think about and maybe not until you're feeling better or you have the space for it but is just thinking about maybe maybe part of what you'll need to do is shift your business model a little bit or think about how can you. Still serve people but maybe with less time so you know is there a recorded course that you could make or is there a group program that you could have or a subscription model or you know what might be a slightly different business model or offering that you have.

01:13:34.21

Sara Flores

And.

01:13:51.70

kitedart

That still allows you to have impact and make a difference for people but maybe with less of your time involved and that that might be a place to lean in until you get reoriented to what life looks like with two kiddos. Um, and then I have 1 other thing I'd love to offer.

01:14:03.30

Sara Flores

2 now.

01:14:10.44

kitedart

Because you said that these times can be hard and I totally hear that and I do not want to diminish that and I Also wonder what if you were to invite in ease and what if you were going to say you know what. There's a lot of emotions around it and there might be parts of it that are hard but where can you invite an ease and let go and be with it. Um, and might that make a difference so that was a whole lot of just things to think about. Not exactly questions they answer right now unless you have something you want to throw in there.

01:14:46.81

Sara Flores

Yeah, well no I have been thinking about that last part as well because I was thinking about it before like last year when I was really struggling with um. Like my relationship with money and that that sense of scarcity out fear of scarcity. Um, and just recognizing that there are so many gifts right now that I have that if I look back in a year and ten years you know at this time I want to know that I took advantage of it instead of spending all my time thinking about the things that I don't have um and so I've been trying to kind of bring that in. Now as well and you're just really really enjoying the time that I have with my daughter and that I still have you know she still goes to daycare right now and um knows.

01:15:53.35

kitedart

And.

01:16:03.28

Sara Flores

That that meantime that I still have um this time of being pregnant with a totally different perspective than and I had last time and just such a different more. More like grounded sense of self that I have now. Um so much more support than I had before so many things. Yeah that I'm just really trying to um, really appreciate and keep in them.

01:16:22.47

kitedart

Um, and.

01:16:39.26

Sara Flores

And the forefront while also you know for me, it's like yeah and there's so much gray in life I am such a gray person. But um, you know it's hard and it's also like there's so much beauty to be found in this.

01:16:45.18

kitedart

Yeah.

01:16:57.76

Sara Flores

Time. So it's yeah yeah, I've been I've been definitely see about it and that resonates.

01:16:59.64

kitedart

Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, nice, nice. Well and you know I mean None thing I can offer up is like None you know when you're feeling better like reach out. Let's chat right? Because. You know I think there's going to be a time and space for maybe digging in on how do I maintain some momentum what what does the next iteration look like right and and that is that's and even if you weren't pregnant right? like that's that's the nature of business. Regardless right? like covered recession. You know.

01:17:29.17

Sara Flores

Is yeah.

01:17:35.46

kitedart

Quote Unquote post Covid like I mean there's so many there's always changing circumstances and conditions out there business is iterative right? And so um, but right now it doesn't sound like it's the time to necessarily dig in. So um I love all that.

01:17:41.83

Sara Flores

Um, yeah.

01:17:50.50

Sara Flores

Are.

01:17:53.30

kitedart

All that you're doing and all of your own coaching that you're were taking um for this particular time and knowing it's a finite amount of time and then when you're feeling better. There's going to be more space and opportunity for kind of digging into. Okay. What what do I do like how to how how and you may not even know how it's gonna look. But what are the things that what actions can you take that can one help you figure it out and to continue you on your journey as a health coach.

01:18:28.33

Sara Flores

Um, yeah, yeah I Definitely don't see that journey ending which I think is one of the beautiful things about being a coach is that I don't have to.

01:18:31.69

kitedart

And.

01:18:46.10

Sara Flores

Pick this or something else I can always be a coach. It's just in late. It's really in my nature and I've worked hard to have the tools needed to be a good coach and so I don't.

01:18:47.12

kitedart

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

01:19:05.13

Sara Flores

That's not something that I'll ever that I've seen as both losing or or not you know, utilizing in some aspect.

01:19:11.82

kitedart

Um, yeah, yeah, totally all right? Thank you for sharing all of that and the vulnerability I get that this is a big deal. You know, um.

01:19:17.69

Sara Flores

And yeah e.

01:19:27.35

kitedart

I'd love to wrap up with my last 2 usual rapid fire questions. The first one is we talk about entrepreneurial activism all the time over year at Kite + Dart. So what does entrepreneurial activism mean to you? Sara.

01:19:38.34

Sara Flores

Um, yeah to me it means using your business and using that that privilege really to. Fight for and advocate for your values and make space for others within those privileges that you have because I think being an entrepreneur. Looks different for everybody but um, even in you know cases where there might there might not be a ah lot of privileged identities. There is that freedom that that opportunity that comes with entrepreneurship. To really like reinvent ourselves reinvent the game reins about what we're doing and so just like making space for other people to come into the hot as Well. Um, not instead of using it like for a processive.

01:20:39.17

kitedart

Ah.

01:20:54.17

Sara Flores

Um, for oppressive goals or or to kind of bulldoze over people to get the most really just opening up the world a little bit and bringing people in. And and really standing for what you you value and you believe in making that part of your business models.

01:21:22.39

kitedart

Yeah, beautiful. Thank you last thing will you share how folks can connect with you. Um and learn more about what you're up to.

01:21:27.00

Sara Flores

You know.

01:21:33.73

Sara Flores

Yeah, So um, the easiest way is to go to my link tree. Um, which I believe that link will be provided and um on there and. All the ways that you can connect with me on social and there's a lindsley workshop that I provide that's free for anyone who is a woman who wants to come to those and um. Learn more about how to love our bodies and being community and um, um, that is you know something that I I really wanted to create that space for folks. Um. Do in a a super finance like flexible way so that is free and um, there is you know all the ways to like work with me and get in touch and all the rest.

01:22:40.51

kitedart

Perfect all right and that link tree is in growth lives in growth wise Beauty Just it will be in the show notes. But just for folks who might need to hear it to access it. So.

01:22:47.45

Sara Flores

Um, yeah, yeah.

01:22:53.57

kitedart

Thank you so much. Thank you for your vulnerability for all that you shared about your story and the work you're doing. It's been a pleasure having you here today.

01:23:01.68

Sara Flores

Thank you so much Karen. I really appreciate your time and your questions. I love talking to you.

01:23:08.20

kitedart

Right back at you.